Hermione Granger: “Draco Malfoy Broke My Heart.”

Fashionasty Presents:
Hermione Granger:
“Draco Malfoy Broke My Heart.”

As must as I wish this was fanfic fashionasties, it’s not.

Emma Watson revealed this week that “between the ages of ten to tweleve I had a very terrible crush on Tom Felton, to the extent that I would go into work in the morning and look down the numbers on the call sheet to see if he was going to be in.”

“We love a bad guy, he was a few years older and had a skateboard – and that just did it really.”

“He totally knew and the thing is that he told everyone ‘I see her in a younger, sisterly way,’ and it just broke my heart.”

OMG This story is sadder than Dobby dying tbh.

Live fast, die young, bad witches do it well:

Poor thing! This post approved by a truly magickal suggestion
made from the wand of my Ravenclaw beauty Holly who suggests
Miss Granger rock out with her gryffindor tie out:

Meet You In Moaning Myrtle’s stall Hermione?,


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NEW ENGLAND VAMPYR PANIC: Fashionasty’s Jake Reveals Secret Love Affair With Spike

Fashionasty Presents:
Fashionasty’s Jake Reveals Secret Love Affair With Spike

OK, so like, the Smithsonian Magazine put out THIS ARTICLE about how 200 years after the Salem Witch trials, the people of Griswold, CT admitted they believed vampires came back to life to haunt the living. Um…WHATEVER.

More importantly, I have something to confess, fashionasties. I haven’t been ENTIRELY honest with you. You see, I’m a techno pagan and practicing witch (shout out to Nancy Downs! Rachet Witches make the world go round!):

…and I know it’s like against the rules of feminism to date a vampyre…but like, four score and sevyn centuries ago, I met a vampyre names Spike.

I’m sorry, but in the words of Azealia Banks, like “keep a boo dressed down to her louboutins” because HELLO:

Like, right?

Truth be told, I always knew he’d come back to me…#comingoutofmycoffin. So that’s the REAL story fashionasties. No need to get your panties in a vampyre panic.

This post approved by the white witch:



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Make A Deal With Your TV: Hail A Cab To 666 Park Avenue ASAP! It’s A Must-See!

Fashionasty Presents: 
Make A Deal With Your TV:
Hail A Cab To 666 Park Avenue ASAP! It’s A Must-See!

ABC’s “666 Park Avenue” premiered tonight.

And how
are we?!

I love Fall. The leaves, the pumpkin spice lattes (hold the pumpkin, hold the latte!), the scarves….but more than anything, I love Fall because of TV premieres. Even in junior high my sister and I would fawn over Romy Gilmore’s boy crushes (Jesse > Dean).

Let’s cut right to the chase.

It’s a killer hit! It’s spooky! It’s campy!
And oh, I just love seeing Vanessa Williams back on the tube again!


I’d TOTES get past the whole ‘666’ thing to live in the lap of lux at
“The Drake.”

It’s seductive. It’s fun. And the Dorans are about as badass as it gets.

I truly engage with the TV screen when I find something truthful in the story /  characters. AND – miraculously, when ‘666’ was filming the pilot – I was dogsitting for my boss on a different TV show that just so happened to be at the building NEXT DOOR to where “The Drake” was in Harlem. And let me just say that those buildings are beautiful during the day, but something entirely different by night…



Beethoven plays as flawless queen Vanessa Williams and Terry ‘O Quinn AKA The Dorans  gaze down at the commoners *cough* I mean the orchestra playing. Vanessa’s got her smirk ON LOCK because not even a minute into the show, and we get a Wilhelmina eyebrow raise AND can she be anymore gorgeous?! #IDon’tThinkSo.

LONG STORY SHORT: We’re introduced to a man playing the violin. He cuts his finger and it’s a pentagram’s wet dream how much blood spills on his sheet music. It cuts to him back at “The Drake” (666 Park Ave) – the lavish, yet sinister apartment complex and it’s evident he is on the run. He didn’t fulfill a “deal” he made with Gavin Doran (Terry ‘O Quinn) and knows it will cost him his life. Let me just say that you don’t want to be this violin dude because he was gone in sixty nine seconds!

THEN: We met Jane and Henry – a couple from Queens – who become the new managers of “The Drake.” Throughout the episode we learn more and more about how The Drake is haunted by ghosts, tenants make deals with literally the devil (or atleast Gavin who must communicate with the horned man), and whether they can keep their bargains is up to the pact they make. We also learn how the Drake had a horrific fire where many tenants died. ALSO: Olivia and Gavin’s daughter, Sasha, died a long time ago as well.
(Which I have a hunch to pick! Anyone else think the little girl with the chipped blue nail polish nails is their daughter? And in order to keep her alive, they sacrifice tenants? Anyone else agree?)

Besides the obvious campiness (the Dorans live on the 13th floor, jokes about tenants “moving to warmer place”…[i.e. Hell/Hades/etc.], and the ghosts [which let me warn your goosebumps. It’s really scary when they deliver unexpected cameos…#justsaying!], the most powerful thing for me is that ANYONE can live at the Drake. It’s pretty clear that the majority of the tenants come from an eclectic range of socio-economic backgrounds, races, and backgrounds. Which kind of brings everyone down to Earth. Like anyone can make a deal with the devil in order to have and/or make the kind of life they see for themselves and how far they are willing to go to continue / keep up with the Joneses for it.


I will definitely be tuning into ‘666’ weekly and giving you reviews every the Monday morning after (s)pill!

This post brought to you by Episode 2’s promo:



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Fashionasty & The Weekly Hallows: Weekend Deadly Digest (Gaga, Zenon, J.K. Rowling, & 666 Park Ave)

Fashionasty Presents:
Fashionasty & The Weekly Hallows:
Weekend Deadly Digest (Gaga, Zenon, J.K. Rowling, & 666 Park Ave)


Dear fashionasties,

Thanks to fabulous Y-O-U (and pop culture), because this past week, Fashionasty was hit me babied more than one time AKA we had our biggest traffic jam ever! Which goes to show that nerd nasties can keep it up (if you catch my drift!) Thanks again and stay tuned all week long for new posts!

Until then, enjoy my new feature: “Fashionasty & The Weekly Hallows,” a new weekend round-up digest for the fashionasty-on-the-go! AND – note the subtle wigdets to my right (which links my twitter page, facebook “like” page, and about.me page…) Look, if I’m going to have a reality show slash book deal, I really need to start acting like the business woman I am.

K, love ya, see you tomorrow,

Jake (andalite-in-chief)

1) Born This Weight: Calling Gaga Fat Won’t Make You Any Skinnier.

2) Zetus Lapedus Quiz: Are You Macro, Micro, Viral, Or Graphic?

3) It’s Time To Play With Your Wands Under The Covers With Jesus Khrist Rowling’s New Adult Novel: “The Casual Vacancy.”

4) Tweeting With Wilhelmina Slater #NBD: Her Haute New Show “666 Park Ave” Premieres Sunday


And remember fashionasties:



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Tweeting With Wilhelmina Slater #NBD: Her Haute New Show “666 Park Ave” Premieres Sunday

Fashionasty Presents:
Tweeting With Wilhelmina Slater #NBD:
Her Haute New Show “666 Park Ave” Premieres Sunday


I don’t normally like to name drop but (#oops #itsmyblog #mylife), my dear friend Vanessa and I were tweeting each other (Follow me: @fashionasty) about her new show “666 Park Ave” and it premieres THIS sunday on ABC.
Not only do I LOVE the program’s title, and the premise behind the show
(V said it’s “Rosemary’s Baby Meets The Shining.”), butt how


I’m going to do a weekly round-up review every Sunday eve and post them Monday mornings. (Along with a book club corner that I will get to in another post. The first two reviews will be “The Casual Vacancy” [of course] and “Life After Death” [naturally].) Loads of FUN STUFF coming this Fall at Fashionasty Headquarters!

Love you, V!

You’re the BEST!!!


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It’s Time To Play With Your Wands Under The Covers With Jesus Khrist Rowling’s New Adult Novel “The Casual Vacancy.”

[Original (F)art By: Fashionasty Jake]

Fashionasty Presents:
It’s Time To Play With Your Wands Under The Covers With
Jesus Khrist Rowling’s New Adult Novel,
“The Casual Vacancy.”

It’s September 27th and it’s time to wingardium your leviosa AKA rise again (if you catch my drift!) with Jesus Khrist Rowling’s New Novel, “The Casual Vacancy.” Apparently it is written for ADULTS and is strictly MUGGLE. Whatever that means…but I will definitely be heading to Flourish & Blotts today with Hagrid to pick up my copy.

Me in 2007 is cheesin’ hardcore Hufflepuff-style today and #IDGAF!
(I know I look like a Hufflepuff in this picture, but it’s only because I was acting like a Hufflepuff in this picture…#Ravenclaw4Ever #FlyOrDie)

This post approved by H.L.I.C. (Head. Librarian. In. Charge.) Mary:


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Zetus Lapedus Quiz: Are You Macro, Micro, Viral Or Graphic?

Fashionasty Presents:
Zetus Lapedus Quiz:
Are You Macro, Micro, Viral Or Graphic?

OK, sorry to bother you guys, but I’m in HYSTERIA MODE MAJOR!!! After talking with Greg (SUCH a boy wonder), I can’t decide if I’m Macro (good), Micro (bad), Viral (nasty), or Graphic (beautiful)? Do you find yourself asking this same super nova question?!



Let’s face it: you’re the Cher Horowitz of your squirrel friends. Not only should you be given snaps for your courageous outfits, but also for your humanitarian efforts in giving back to the community. Oh I don’t know, per say, maybe saving your ENTIRE spay-stay while maintaining a fresh-faced Noxzema (s)expression?!  Woods, comma, Elle, anyone?! But let’s not rest on the floral Ashley of our Mary-Kate laurels…if you’re a MACRO girl, you’re probably the brains, brawn, and beauty behind any m.o. amirite?! In the words of Zee, “Why be in the audience Neb, when you have the chance to be center stage?”



AKA “Live Fast, Die Young, MICRO GIRLS DO IT WELL.” You’re clearly the Slytherin of your kin. And truth be told, there are worse things: HUFFLEPUFFS. You’re the Faith of the Slayers. It’s OK too btw…At least you admit you’re a mean girl. You don’t pretend to be SO innocent like “I just moved here from Africa with all the little birdies and all the little monkeys.” You’re more like, “Why are you so obsessed with me?” Every spay-stay needs a Regina George and it might as well be you. Butt in the words of Shakira, underneath your clothes, there’s an endless story. Like Draco for example. I’d like to think in another life force, and/or if J.K. Rowling’s “Casual Vacancy” is a BOMB, that she rewrites all seven HP books from Draco’s POV. Wouldn’t that be macro mode major?! Zetus Lapedus, book boner boing!



AKA “NASTY” AKA “THAT’S SO VIRAL” AKA My personal favorite TBH…

First of all: What kinda stunt was Disney trying to pull recasting Queen Raven in Zenon the Zequel?! AND, she only got a “special appearance” in Z3…Like, there is only ONE Nebula Wade in my burn book…

NGL…this is where you’ll find me. You’re the Dione to the Chers. The Michele to the Romys. The Willow to the Buffys. The Rayanne Graff to the Angela Chases. The Hermione to the Rons and Harrys. (You get the point). AKA the best friend. You too speak the language of FASHION…in fact, you’re probably more fluent in it than all your pals…Taking a lesson or two from Mother Monster AKA Fran “The Nanny” Drescher, Virals never pay full price, and can like, sell the shit out of Versace knock-offs. In the words of Sailor Moon, “she will never turn her back on a friend,” is definitely in Viral’s nature, but her Sailor Mars can come out with witty observations, punny punchlines, and a punky brewster swag that it out of this galaxxxy. A viral has tried to be Dick, Harry, and Tommy, but after jetting from planet denial, you’ve found that you are Sally mode major.



Zoom Zoom Zoom, you make everybody’s heart go BOOM BOOM. Mirror mirror, on the wall, who’s the faeriest of them all: Y – O – U. You’re friends are the Rhoda, and YOU’RE THE MARY! It’s OK. We’re all vain, but Graphics just have a harder time hiding it. You’re the Quinn Morgendorffer to everyone’s Daria. In the words of your world leader, Gretchen Weiners, “It’s not my fault I’m so popular,” you find yourself saying to your reflection every morning when you wake up in your girlfriend’s four-post bed. You’re probably the most famous of your friends, and probably the most artistic too. But like Peter Parker, with great power comes great responsibility, SO, if you don’t hone your craft like Dakota Fanning, you could be recast in Z3…which I thought was MICRO MAJOR!

So what’ll it be fashionasties?! Which ONE are you?! Either way, you’ll always be STELLANARIOUS to me! Shoot me an e-mail with your answer/reflections and maybe you’re letter will get posted on the blog! fashionastyjake@gmail.com

This post brought to you by the first boy-band in outer space MICROBE:




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