OK, sorry to bother you guys, but I’m in HYSTERIA MODE MAJOR!!! After talking with Greg (SUCH a boy wonder), I can’t decide if I’m Macro (good), Micro (bad), Viral (nasty), or Graphic (beautiful)? Do you find yourself asking this same super nova question?!
Let’s face it: you’re the Cher Horowitz of your squirrel friends. Not only should you be given snaps for your courageous outfits, but also for your humanitarian efforts in giving back to the community. Oh I don’t know, per say, maybe saving your ENTIRE spay-stay while maintaining a fresh-faced Noxzema (s)expression?! Woods, comma, Elle, anyone?! But let’s not rest on the floral Ashley of our Mary-Kate laurels…if you’re a MACRO girl, you’re probably the brains, brawn, and beauty behind any m.o. amirite?! In the words of Zee, “Why be in the audience Neb, when you have the chance to be center stage?”
AKA “Live Fast, Die Young, MICRO GIRLS DO IT WELL.” You’re clearly the Slytherin of your kin. And truth be told, there are worse things: HUFFLEPUFFS. You’re the Faith of the Slayers. It’s OK too btw…At least you admit you’re a mean girl. You don’t pretend to be SO innocent like “I just moved here from Africa with all the little birdies and all the little monkeys.” You’re more like, “Why are you so obsessed with me?” Every spay-stay needs a Regina George and it might as well be you. Butt in the words of Shakira, underneath your clothes, there’s an endless story. Like Draco for example. I’d like to think in another life force, and/or if J.K. Rowling’s “Casual Vacancy” is a BOMB, that she rewrites all seven HP books from Draco’s POV. Wouldn’t that be macro mode major?! Zetus Lapedus, book boner boing!
AKA “NASTY” AKA “THAT’S SO VIRAL” AKA My personal favorite TBH…
First of all: What kinda stunt was Disney trying to pull recasting Queen Raven in Zenon the Zequel?! AND, she only got a “special appearance” in Z3…Like, there is only ONE Nebula Wade in my burn book…
NGL…this is where you’ll find me. You’re the Dione to the Chers. The Michele to the Romys. The Willow to the Buffys. The Rayanne Graff to the Angela Chases. The Hermione to the Rons and Harrys. (You get the point). AKA the best friend. You too speak the language of FASHION…in fact, you’re probably more fluent in it than all your pals…Taking a lesson or two from Mother Monster AKA Fran “The Nanny” Drescher, Virals never pay full price, and can like, sell the shit out of Versace knock-offs. In the words of Sailor Moon, “she will never turn her back on a friend,” is definitely in Viral’s nature, but her Sailor Mars can come out with witty observations, punny punchlines, and a punky brewster swag that it out of this galaxxxy. A viral has tried to be Dick, Harry, and Tommy, but after jetting from planet denial, you’ve found that you are Sally mode major.
Zoom Zoom Zoom, you make everybody’s heart go BOOM BOOM. Mirror mirror, on the wall, who’s the faeriest of them all: Y – O – U. You’re friends are the Rhoda, and YOU’RE THE MARY! It’s OK. We’re all vain, but Graphics just have a harder time hiding it. You’re the Quinn Morgendorffer to everyone’s Daria. In the words of your world leader, Gretchen Weiners, “It’s not my fault I’m so popular,” you find yourself saying to your reflection every morning when you wake up in your girlfriend’s four-post bed. You’re probably the most famous of your friends, and probably the most artistic too. But like Peter Parker, with great power comes great responsibility, SO, if you don’t hone your craft like Dakota Fanning, you could be recast in Z3…which I thought was MICRO MAJOR!
So what’ll it be fashionasties?! Which ONE are you?! Either way, you’ll always be STELLANARIOUS to me! Shoot me an e-mail with your answer/reflections and maybe you’re letter will get posted on the blog! firstname.lastname@example.org
This post brought to you by the first boy-band in outer space MICROBE:
HAVE A LUNARIOUS DAY, FASHIONASTIES!
© JAKE THOMPSON