Born This Weight: Calling Gaga Fat Won’t Make You Any Skinnier.


Fashionasty Presents:
Born This Weight:
Calling Gaga Fat Won’t Make You Any Skinnier.

I love “fat” Gaga.
I do, fashionasties.
I fucking LOVE “fat” Gaga.
And you should to…
Because you know what?!
WHO
FUCKING
CARES?!

First of all:


“Honey, you’ve never looked better.”

Seriously. Shout out to any bitch who can literally pack it on and simultaneously not give a fuck while draping themselves in expensive furs. Like, none of your favs would…

Secondly: WHY ARE YOU ALL SUCH SKEEZES?


(Not you fashionasties (duh)…This is directly CC:’ed to the haterade sippin’ trollers riding the information highway without paying their toll!

We gotta stop acting like “FAT” is a bad thing!!! The only time “fat” and “Gaga” should be in the same sentence are how fat her blunts are AMIRITE?!


I think WE’ED better focus our targets-for-a-hate-crime on ACTUAL haters?! OH IDK, MAYBE *coughs* PAMELA GELLER, PARIS HILTON, AND MITT ROMNEY TO NAME A FEW…*coughs*

The world is mean enough. And under all the wigs, all the gimmicks…believe it or not, there’s a human being under that salted meat dress.


(I KNOW…I don’t like slash agree with the “Romney” comments Nicki made either…in fact, no shade butt I’ve just never really been a Minaj stan…LIL KIM 2012 TBH…in the words of No Doubt, “I’m just a GIF.”)

Just like us, fashionasties.
We’re human.
Well…I’m post-human LBR.
I’m a fucking Andalite that writes “The Quibbler.”


I mean c’mon, we can’t ALL be so purrfect.
Butt…
We could be KINDER.


This is ALL too familiar btw…I remember when I was like twelve or whatever and the Batman and Robin movie came out in theaters. I was SO excited to see Alicia Silverstone on the silver screen again.


Anyways, SURPRISE SURPRISE that people would be so quick to call Cher Horowitz FATGIRL for her role as BatGirl.


So at a young age (not EVEN puberty yet…butt, two Harry Potter books deep might I add…) “fat” as a negative thing was already being shoved down my throat…what kind of SICK SAD WORLD promotes negative body image?! The one we live in.

BUTT. We have the power to change that…

Shout-out to my H.M.C.I.C. (Head Misery Chick In Charge)
Daria for laying down the law on body image:

It’s EASY to be a hater. ANYONE can be a one. If you’ve got a dial up, a bag of Doritoes, (and a whole lot of BAGGAGE), then YOU TOO can sit behind your desktop and continue being generic.

To paraphrase Mindy Kaling, “YOU’RE boring, contribute something!”


Don’t be generic. Fat Jokes are cheap. And hello, BORING!


YOU KNOW I love me some Kiki D (and for the most part “Bachelorette” was cute) butt, the WHOLE movie is about fat jokes. SNOOZE FEST.

Not that it’s the same thing, but (boring) people come up to me all the time and ask if I’m a boy, or girl. It’s like, I WORK REALLY HARD TO MAKE YOU STARE. CAN YOU COME UP WITH SOMETHING LESS GENERIC THAN ARE YOU A BOY OR A GIRL?! And no shade, I think being called a girl IS AMAZING.

In the words of Mykki Blanco, “When femininity is seen as a source of power in black culture, homophobia will no longer exist.” Such a smart dude! And so major to the movement. I mean, that can LITERALLY accolade to every social construct.

When your body is no longer the source of your worth (OR wealth mindyou), we’ll be RICHER, more fulfilled people because we aren’t WEIGHED down by our insecurities.

There are PLENTY of successful people that aren’t a size carrot:

Gaga even poked fun at all the haters to the island (LOL. SO GOOD, mama monster!):


So next time someone makes a fat joke, pull a white Oprah on their asses:


And like most fashionasty posts, everything can be solved by Cady Heron slash Tina Fey:

This post approved by H.C.E.I.C. (Head Cake Eater In Charge):


*Also I tip my fitted cap to Gaga’s parody trap-rap track:

XOXO,

© 
JAKE THOMPSON
@fashionasty

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About fashionastyjake

Fashionasty is a state of mind, a lifestyle, and a trend that will never die young. I like borderline ugly street fashion. I like burgers. I'm desperate to find you.
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5 Responses to Born This Weight: Calling Gaga Fat Won’t Make You Any Skinnier.

  1. George says:

    They all want cake.

  2. Rugburns says:

    You can be screaming “No, no, no!,” and all they hear is, “Who wants cake?” And believe me, they all do. They *all* want cake.

    (I fucking love you by the way.)

  3. Pingback: Fashionasty & The Weekly Hallows: Weekend Deadly Digest (Gaga, Zenon, J.K.Rowling, & 666 Park Ave) | fashionasty

  4. Pingback: Fashionasty And The Weekly Hallows: Weekend Deadly Digest (Gaga, Zenon, J.K. Rowling, & 666 Park Ave) | fashionasty

  5. Pingback: Fashionasty & The Weekly Hallows: Weekend Deadly Digest (Gaga, Zenon, J.K. Rowling, & 666 Park Ave) | fashionasty

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