True Hollywood Story:
The Spice Bus
Besides AbFab & goddess-in-training Gabby Douglas, the most memorable moment of the Summer Olympics at Fashionasty Headquarters was (yeah, duh)
THE SPICE GIRLS REUNION!!!!
Don’t fall off your stackers…
(it’s okay, I already did…)
…if you missed it live!
There’s also no room for being ironic, it’s OKAY to admit how awesome it was to see our spice force five lookin’ so fresh to def (minus Ginger Spice giving major Tammy Faye Baker face sorry-to-say) and reppin’ all the fly bitches who rock platform pumps and kick girl power punts!
Oddly enough, the media’s been very hush-hush about 1 member of the group that was suspiciously absent from the performance:
THE SPICE BUS!
TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY:
The Spice Bus joined the group back in 1997 during the peak of the girl’s world domination AKA Spice World: The Movie. Her famous scene stealing moment was when she drove the ladies of Spice and their spice with the bun in the middle: Nicola to the hospital.
Butt, after the world grieved the first break-up of the group, The Spice Bus was put on display for fans to come and take pictures.
Like some second-class ripley’s believe it or not shit…
THE NERVE! SO BARBARIC!
When the girls reunited in 2000 sans Geri Halliwell, the bus too continued to miss in action. That’s because she was auctioned off to a fan in 2001. Dun dun dun!
Like some cheap imposter fabergé egg at an estate sale…
Feeling forgotten, a spec of vehicular garbage, the Spice Bus fleed from her “owner” and became a mistress of the alley. She met a couple of low riders (pun intended!), and this is where she took up a short coke stint. Becoming one of the hautest pieces of meat on the street, she instantly morphed into a poster car for page six and slowly found herself VIP at every club that could accommodate a lady of her size…
CLICK! SNAP! FLASH! Shutterbugs captured incriminating photos of the Spice Bus exiting lavatories with Tom Felton AKA Draco Malfoy and Prince Harry (and not the one from Pottermore, if you catch my drift), a time in her life, that she regrets…
But being a former “it” girl, she said the pressure of driving in the fast lane caught up to her. After being photographed several times (without any knickers on! Shh!), she checked herself in to the impound lot where she picked up Kabbalah and Bikram yoga. And a love interest…
“It was love at first drive…”
The Spice Bus blushes when Fashionasty Headquarters asks her to describe their initial meeting.
“The Knight Bus had just come off of the fame of Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban, and so I could relate to having your 15 minutes up…”
She gives a Cher Horowitz chesire grin.
The two put their red carpet days behind them and currently reside in Tampa, Florida where they collect wicker lawn ornaments and perfect their long island ice tea making skills. “We’re taking a trip to Disney World this fall.” Says the Spice Bus smirking.
If we could all be so lucky to find a match made in roadkill…
© JAKE THOMPSON