*DISCLA(I)M(M)ER: Fashionasty is a gender-less, aggressive-less, sometimes odor-less (wouldn’t you like to know!) community. Hatred is not in our nature, vernacular, and/or vocabulary, butt there are times when a girl’s gotta get something off her sports bra…therefore, the following Howler was an absinthe induced tweeter explosion by none other than OKStupid.
During thee Northern Sparks opening marching band parade number, after three to twelve shots of the wormwood wonder (sources report she couldn’t remember at one point because she was floating over St. Anthony Main) the subject of OKStupid’s missing black patent leather pumps were brought to discussion. A renowned manic depressive, she took to her twitter to express her frustration(s) with Venus.
(Follow @_ok_stupid! She has ZER0 followers!)
Fashionasty Headquarters sat down with OKStupid “the morning after” at Modern Times to scribe what she was trying to say. OKStupid had to wikipedia everything I asked her, butt I think I got the gist of it:
I use to think you were a goddess, but you’re really just GOD-LESS. You guise yourself as the symbol of love and womanhood, but there is nothing sisterly about hiding my heels in a port key. Or a portal. Or a k-hole within a matrix within a realm. How dare you non consensually trick my treats. I was *this close* to leaving my house in full geish when you decided to play hide and NO seek!
You’re a back up planet. Jupiter and Neptune have far more powers for bestowing their gifts. No wonder you’re transit only happens once in a blue moon. All I’ve seen thus far is your negative side. Is that the best you got? I thought we were creatures of the night, but apparently you’d rather take all the moon’s spotlight. You’re dead to me. I’m counting down the days til July 31st when you leave Gemini for good.
X and no O’s,
Oh snap! I hope OKStupid realizes that she’s making herself a meteor martyr! Don’t piss off the universe, sister. We’ll keep you posted on any further updates.
© JAKE THOMPSON