It’s recently come to my attention, fashionasties…
“Dear Fashionasty Headquarters,
I recently attended Netflixxx’s insta-nasty viewing of “Sliding Doors.” I loved how Gwenyth pulled a 360 hair transformation to living lyfe in the fashionasty fast food chain lane for lyfe. I’m on a budget, so I can’t dye in my roots tonight OR chop it like a swisher shop…butt, I’m in dire need of a hairapy session. Plze help!”
Desperately Seeking Solutions
Dear Desperately Seeking Solutions,
First of all, “Sliding Doors” is easily in my top five favorite films of all time. Sandwiched between “The Net” and “Party Girl.” In fact, Gwenyth’s hair transformation was the ultimate decision making deal in me committing to Gwen Stefani blonde. (And later to Cruella white, followed most recently by the happy medium that I’m slowly morphing into a tripod between Nick Nolte’s mugshot, “rebel-writer” Tavi, and Zenon and Nebula’s space day crush, Protozoa.)
Butt any grrrl knows this job market is a meat market these days so I totally feel you about not wanting to burn a hole in your wallet! Have you ever thought about creating 90s raver Bjork buns? They’re way easy, butt they also have a level of space-goth realness that I think is something to take particular notice to. You’ll either be a conversation starter with no coffee-table book necessary or you’ll be the BUN of every joke! It takes a real womyn to werk this wave, butt if you’re willing to enter a new matrixxx of hairspiration, follow me! (@fashionastyjake) *wink, wink*
There’s a simple process to creating 90s raver Bjork buns…
1) RUBBER BANDS
Remember fashionasties: ALWAYS WEAR PROTECTION. Most beauty supply stores and dollar stores carry these tiny miracle makers. AND, for like $1.99, you get about 100-150 a pack! I know that’s the same cost as a Dorito Loco taco, so if you need to stop here/queer and make a pit stop to TB, I feel you…
2) ANGEL WHITE LIPSTICK
Said beauty supply stores will totally carry this fabulous shade. Arguably, some make-up critics will claim “white” isn’t a color, butt I LOVE looking like a space baby alien that is molting in white museum paint curated between two lava lamps. I simply can’t get enough! and for $0.99 you can stock up incase Y2K has a way of coming back to you in your next R.E.M. cycle!
3) FROSTED POW(D)ER PUFFS
Do you ever ask yourself, when is my lyfe gonna stop being one rom com after another?! Well you can easily turn back time with this hairstyle! It’s more of a LYFESAVER because you can now play out any teen dream phantasy your hearts always desired.
So run into your closet, your friend’s closet, or your babysitter’s clubs’ closet, and grab something particular in the pastoral range. Baby blue, soft pinks, or lavender…cut it into a crop top or knot the bottom in a bun. Showing midriff isn’t essential but then you can really work some baggy carhart cargos and or adidas snap-off pants.
This post brought to you by Maluca’s buns:
© JAKE THOMPSON