(S)exxxorcise Ur Fashionas†y Ri†es: Raise †he (Roseanne) Barr 4 Prezzy-P-2k12 Phasion

Dearest fashionasties,

What’s grosser than watching back-2-back episodes of Boy Meets World (in a tube-top) with a family-size bag-o-nacho-cheesier doritoes for one?!

ROSEANNE.

Butt take this statement with a grain of himalayan sea salt, fashionasties.
We embrace GROSS here/queer at Fashionasty Headquarters.
We live for gross. We die for gross.
Gross doesn’t have to always be a bad thing. It can be a very good thing. And in this case, I mean is as a compliment.

***Often fashionasties have to take back a word and own it. Eat it, lick it, snort it, f*** it, and then we stomp our shit on the streets and twerk it out.***

When you think about it, Roseanne was the Britney Spears of Lanford, Illinois. She was the American Dream. The lifestyles of the unrich and unfamous. Just like here at Fashionasty Headquarters. We don’t dress 2 impress 4 the fame, 4 the ego, 4 the money…we head-2-toe because the unattainable is more gorgeous and fulfilling than actually having it. (FYI – this doesn’t mean I won’t accept Gucci anything at anytime, so don’t get pressed.)

***OCCU-THIGH/PY BARR STREET*** 


_-_-_ROSEANNE BARR 4 PREZZY-P-2K12_-_-_

Celebrating Prezzy D is a bore fest here/queer at Fashionasty Headquarters. Unless of course #fashionastyjake4president2k12 were 2 occur and/or we were talking about my new business venture: SP00KIE ENTERPRISES: GHOST ENTERTAINMENT, than I’m the bossypants of my biznasty plans, and in that (sausage) in casing, I’d be totally down for talking politixxx. More down than Monica Lewinsky in the ovalulating office (if you catch my drift!) And I encourage Y-O-U the reader to be the Prezzy P of your destiny as well.

 “BUTT HOW DO I GET ROSEANNE’S LOOK?!?!”

Ripley’s Believe It Or Naught(y), you may find yourself asking this question. I put 2gether the 3 step-bi-curious-steps it takes to being the Prezzy P of your own lyfe, fashionasties!

1) THE SHE-DEVIL WEARS COOGI


Most times when cumming out of the fashionasty closet, fashionasties have to revisit their earlier, greener(420420420) pastures. 4 Roseanne, she made it rain with the Iron Lady. Roseanne was the underdog, the fish-out-of-water, and so as long as you can find your blue collars, white collars, and men-in-uniforms, you can megamorff them into coogis, puccis, and gucci’s.


Think of it as a reverse From Prada 2 Nada scenario and you’re on the right track baby, you were born this working class.

2) HIRE YOUR FASHIONASTY CABINET

You can’t lobby with out having a little haircut and having a little bobbit, eh?! So make sure your staff checks your (staff) infexxxions before in the words of JoJo “2 little, 2 late.”

And 3)  MAKE YOUR OWN RULES


Roseanne is often criticized for being outspoken. Butt in the world of fashionasties, we are all misunderst00d on a regular basis (instinct), and so our scale for outlandish is completely twarped. Roseanne is just living her life and making her own standard of living that she wants to run by. A fashionasty lesson we can all learn from!

XOXO,

© JAKE THOMPSON

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About fashionastyjake

Fashionasty is a state of mind, a lifestyle, and a trend that will never die young. I like borderline ugly street fashion. I like burgers. I'm desperate to find you.
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