Marry The Objectum Sexist Night: The Advocate’s “It’s Time” Ad & The Tina Time Turner Back Time

[“Tina Time Turner After Time,” Original (F)art by Jake Thompson]

Just when U were thinking, “Has Fashionasty gone all USWeekly on my ass?!”

NEVER FEAR, FASHIONASTIES!
I may be a woman possessed bi-(curious) my own vanity, butt so R U. At the end of the rainbow, U cum first in my hand(job) book for living lyfe in the fashionasty fast food chain lane for lyfe…

With no further adou…

What do Hermione Granger, Tina Turner, Romy & Michelle, Cher, & GaGa
all have in common???!!!

Fashionasty presents:
Marry The Objectum Sexist Night:
The Advocate’s “It’s Time” Ad & The Tina Time Turner Back Time

If you haven’t seen it fashionasties, here/queer it is:

At first, I was all:
Is this the new Dolce & Gabbana Light Blue men’s cologne ad???!!!


And then I was all: Oh, it’s that indie flick “Like Crazy” that’s trying to upstage deserving, goddess-salad-dressing in training – Li(l)zzie Olsen.


Sort me in Slytherin and call me (medieval)evil, but like, did Professor Snape put a confundus charm on me or something?! BC that marriage(quality) thriller trailer threw me for a bowl of fruit loops! I’m gonna hafta summon Hermione’s Time Turner with the help of Tina Turner, Romy & Michelle, Cher, & GaGa to break down this commercial…

“IT’S TIME,” QUEERS.

Apparently to get married? While viewing this lil ad buster, I was on the edge of my glory (hole) because I was actually ***thrilled*** that this commerical was keepin’ it trill for all the objectum sexists! I truly, madly, deeply thought I was watching TLC’s Objectum Sexist documentary because I thought the lead male was in a relationship with the camera.

There’s only one other person I can think of that sends themselves their own Valentine’s box-of-chocolates, eats it, licks it, snorts it, and f***’s it to the camera:

U can praise Godga for being the priest of your Judas, preaching “born this way” for the misfits, rejects, and losers, all you have to do is stay true to yourself by changing everything about yourself (including your hair hue!) and kill urself to get famous…

In all honesty: WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?!

If you haven’t kept up with the KarKrashians this year, or recent Nothing-Compares-2-16-Days Sinead O’Connor, marriage’s really werqing & assumes it’s asspirational. It literally makes an ass out of U and Me.

I think Romy & Michelle (AND the incomparable Alan Cummings) put it best. Can’t you just polyamory the dance floor with your two besties without having to marry the fright?!?!

After watching “It’s Time,” I wanted that time back in my life. Too bad I couldn’t turn back time like this flawless fleetboat:

Do you take urself Fashion to be ur own lawfully wedded Nasty.

I DO.

I now pronouce you, Fashionasty 4 Lyfe.

I’ll commit to you, if you commit to your closet.

XOXO,

© JAKE THOMPSON 

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About fashionastyjake

Fashionasty is a state of mind, a lifestyle, and a trend that will never die young. I like borderline ugly street fashion. I like burgers. I'm desperate to find you.
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