OK. Color me crayola cray-cray, butt ur never gonna guess, fashionasties. I met a vampire. A bloodsucking, hair pulled back in a kabuki bun, stone-cold fox of a vampire. AND – not just that. It was at the bar where Interview with a Vampire was filmed, IN Anne Rice’s neighborhood. That’s like three fangs deep in a vampire matrixxx.
Fashionasty Vampire Diarrheas:
My InterView With A Vampire
& 3 Fangs Deep (South) In A Vampire Matrixxx
***Just so you know – no substances were used during my encounter with the beast, nor were any consumed during this post therefore we can see clearly now that the urine has passed, amirite? Cum 2 think of it, I DID have a bottle and a half of red that night #fml, BUTT, tonight as I dip my quill in my Macbook’s ink, the hardest concocktion in my mug is ginger tea with a lemon twist on the rocks.***
At first he sort of scared me, but then I was like wait – I had shrimp carbonara earlier (and we all know how much garlic goes into THAT one) so I thought, just keep sheepishly laughing at WHATEVER he says, and at least you’ll be the drum(stick) roll at the punchline of all his jokes, than an actual drumstick that he gnaws out of a bucket with fingerlickin’ companion, Precious Jones.
ANYWAYS – – my blood alcohol content was astronomical at one point, but to call out the vanity of stereotype for a moment, I find it hard that vampires have such a dark interior when this particular one gave me so ***LIGHT***.
The most enlightened peace-of-mind I learned from Vampire-teacher / Student-me roleplay is this:
NEW ORLEANS = AMERICA. EVERYTHING ELSE = FACADE.
This vampire told me that everybody in New Orleans is exxxactly as they are. No one hates on, no one questions, and no one gives a f*** how anyone dresses, acts, or looks. In any other city when someone says someone’s dressed “crazy, a novelty, or a gimmick,” he [the vampire] claims that’s all a facade because peeps in N.O. have normalized that notion. U don’t have to feel otherized by your differences, because everyone is uniquely similiar in a non-annoying Williamsburg(er) sort-of-w(g)ay. He said that if everybody lived this w(g)ay that that’s what the real American order would/could be. Maybe, I’d be more patriotic in a non-ironic w(g)ay if this was true. This American Vs. Facade concept really stuck with me.
The w(g)ay I digest this is:
FASHIONASTY = AMERICA. EVERYTHING ELSE = FACADE
This makes SO much sense that synthetic blood is drank down here/queer in the Big Easy bc no one hates on, questions, or gives a f*** if you do! If we all stopped listening to the h8ers, and started to think of ourselves less as a gimmick, and more of a glutton for retail, than we’re truly living the fashionasty (tEEnAgE) dream!
While I was lost in the vampire matrixxx, I didn’t really get the opportunity to have a fully realized (s)exxxperience, butt looking back fondly on the occassion, the theme of FACADE ping ponged into OCCULT GLAMOUR. In the 19th century, Occult-glamour was an occult spell cast on people to believe you were fabulous – and duh, aren’t we doing that everyd(g)ay in the fashionasty (food chain) lane for lyfe!!!!!
Fashionasties are creating their own facade in every ouf, in every vibe, in every essence of thier nonsense! SO – next time someone hates on, questions, or gives too much of a f*** about the w(g)ay you act, feel, and/or look, LOVE that you’ve put a spell on them with your beauty, grace, and glamour.
© JAKE THOMPSON