Cumming ♀ut ♂f Ur Fashionasty Closet: “Cumming Out Is So ۩.”

[John Waters, Walker Art Center, June 2011]

*DISCLA(I)M(M)ER: Fashionasty Headquarters’ intentions were to post this yesterd(g)ay in response to Nat’l Cumming Out Day, however my brain & my blog melted in the California sun and my macbook baby needed to take a disco nap before I rebooted it in the cooter. That being said, we pilfer forward…

We Were Never Trapped: It should be no secret(ion) bi-(curious) now, that fashionasties celebrate themselves 24/7/365 days out of the glitter calendar. I don’t think we need to make a formal statement, or throw a biggie party when we cum out of our fashionasty closets. Our statement is in our daily ready-2-scare wardrobe as we strut our shit on the fashionasty runw(g)ay for life.

Straight(Gay) from Fashionasty’s “About Me” (written three years ago):

Fashionasty is about keepin’ the nasty on our clothes, not each other!
 It’s inexpensive, all inclusive, and totally accessible. There is no gender, politics, or price tag! It’s about being – and feeling – fabulous 24/7/365 days out of a glitter calendar, with no apologies (and never paying full price!)

Screw TLC’s Stacy & Clinton for telling you what not to wear, I say WHY THE HELL NOT WEAR?! If you like mixing paisley with animal print, leather with lace,  Chanel with fur, gold lamé with cashmere, join the club (sandwich)!

I’m here to build your burger confidence, fashionasties! Your half-way haus to feeling and looking haute when no one – including urself – thinks so. You are fabulous, unique, and gorgeous ALWAYS no matter what all the haterz say. You only live once, and it’s about damn time we stop being polite, and start getting fashionasty! Cum out of the closet with me and see for yourself!

~~~_____________________________________~~~

That being said, I think John Waters sums it up best:

There’s no It Gets Better agenda.
Because IT’S ALWAYS BEEN BETTER AND IT ALWAYS WILL BE BETTER.
Don’t let anybody – business moguls and marketing regimes specifically – tell you who you are, or how you should look, act, or be. We here/queer at Fashionasty Headquarters are creating what we want to see, view, and believe in. You are fabulous always – not just on Nat’l Coming Out Day – but every f***ing day. When you’re walking through the frozen foods section at Target (Admit it, we’ve ALL been there) and two haters mutter “Is that a boy or a girl?” Just remember that they fill their feelings with microwaveable cardboard goo for $4.99. Plus, like really, if we’re going to take as much time as we do to look Fashionasty picture purrfect, AT LEAST you can cum up with something more clever than gender norms, amirite?!?! It’s time we stop apologizing and start living life in the Fashionasty lane. In the wurdz of one of my fashionasty bffs Dan Wilhelmsen: “Celebrate Queer Community, Not Gay Capitalism.”

See You In Hell,

© JAKE THOMPSON

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About fashionastyjake

Fashionasty is a state of mind, a lifestyle, and a trend that will never die young. I like borderline ugly street fashion. I like burgers. I'm desperate to find you.
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