Michele Bachmann S†arring In Her Lies Were Wa†ching G.O.D. (Getting On Dick): Don’t Mask, Don’† Smell & Noc†urnal Emission

I’m the happiest of meals that you’ll ever meat B/C Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was repealed this past week. If Bill Clinton was allowed to ovulate his oval office, now we all can! 

And what better w(g)ay to celebrate the fashionasty festivities than dedicating a post to the incomparable MTV’s Tru Lyfe: Lord Voldemort (Michele Bachmann) AKA There Will Be (Pure)Blood…

Fashionasty Presents:
Michele Bachmann S†arring In Her Lies Were Wa†ching G.O.D.
(Getting On Dick):

Don’t Mask, Don’† Smell & Noc†urnal Emission

[“Nocturnal Emission,” Original (F)art by Jake Thompson]

Butt the real question on everyone’s minds lil ‘nasties: Is she a bearded bezoar OR the orig L.W.I.C. (Lucifer/Loser-fur. Whore. In. Charge)?!?! Kind of rhetorical, right?! Butt – if you’re like Bachmann and you want to c**ntrol who gets on who’s dicks, than you’ve cum to the right place.

Do you want to look this fabulously douchey???:


Fashionasty Headquarters is here/queer to help you get the bareback Bachmann look. Just take a dagger and stab your he(f)art out and hand it to me first, then we can get st(f)arted. . .

1) BACKWARDS / SDRAWKCAB PHASION


I know putting “back” and Bachmann in the same sentence is a bit of an oxymoron butt we’ll get to poking jokes at the beard (AKA Marcus Bachmann) getting it from behind in just a little while, don’t you worry your fashionasty fanny.

BUTT – to get the (cock) ball (torture) and chain going, if you’re going to preach backwards politixxx, you should be prepared to wear yourself the wrong w(g)ay too. If you’re dumb and dumber, just get dressed in the starch and you too can look like the fabric of our fashionasty lyfe:
BACKWARDS / SDRAWKCAB.


Hit me baby back behind:

Nothing like living the American Dream than looking like a trainwreck.
Pretty cool, right? This look says “I’m edgy, butt dumb?”

2) DON’T MASK, DON’T SMELL

Fashionasties never shit where they eat…well, sometimes we do. Butt, if you want talk an adult-sized diaper full-of-poo, you’ll have to be willing to make a deal-or-no-deal with all that stench cumming out-of-your-trap-door/whore. . .


If you’ve gotta an economy-sized mouth in this economy, you might be tight on the wallet, so the best w(g)ay to achieve this look is bi-(curious) starring yourself in your very own home-(o)-made Noxzema commercial with a face mask:

[FashionastyJake, Amalia, Jack, LA, August 2k11]

 3) HAUTE DOG C**TURE

Nothing says America like clogging your fashionasty arteries with some catsup and musTARD. Put ur meat between my buns and let’s get greasy:

4) THE BEARD

Nothing gives you that asshole look quite like carrying a bearded accessory.

+
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It’s naught(y) so much about the look as it’s the behavior. So when in doubt, you can major in theater and pull one of these in an attempt to pray-the-gay-away:

With that much stank, you’ll be the only fashionasty beast practicing nocturnal emission. So if you want to get this look, h8 yourself, butt h8 others first.

See You In Hell,

© JAKE THOMPSON

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About fashionastyjake

Fashionasty is a state of mind, a lifestyle, and a trend that will never die young. I like borderline ugly street fashion. I like burgers. I'm desperate to find you.
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