“♏elancholia’s” Kirsten Dunst ♐n Re♈r♌grade & ♈he ♏oon ♑. ♏isogyny: A Fas♓ionasty Fil♏ Review

Fashionasty Headquarters missed Kirsten. Let’s face it: you’ve missed her too. Her snaggle tooth is cuter and superior than her h8ers so deal with it. I’ve been a big fan since I was 15 when I saw Bring It On. Yes, I still had braces, butt yes I did have my driver’s permit at the time. VHS was still all the rage, and I’d “forget” to return the cassette to Blockbuster on purpose day-after-day so that I could rewind and memorize the catchphrases and the cheer routines until I crafted them to purrfection.

Throughout the years, “Kiki” Dunst played some of my favorite characters:

1) LUXXX LISBON


2) BETSY JOBS


3) AMBER ATKINSSS


 Infact, Sofia Coppola’s “Virgin Suicides” is what sparked my interest in filmmaking/writing in the first place with this lil visual gem:

Put down your Criterion collection for two sexxxconds and admit Luxxx was a “stone cold fox.” Even when [Kirsten] plays melodrama, she’s plays it charming. Fashionasty Headquarters had the honor of (s)exxxclusively viewing “Melancholia,”
Lars Von Trier’s new film early.
***I can’t share my sources here/queer ~ but try here/queer. It’s a VIP 4 all 2 C***

———————–~*~*~*~*~*!!!SPOILER ALERT!!!*~*~*~*~*~———————–

“♏elancholia’s” Kirsten Dunst ♐n Re♈r♌grade
& ♈he ♏oon ♑. ♏isogyny:
A Fas♓ionasty Fil♏ Review

—*Bolded for fashionLAZIES, butt read the whole thing if your a fashioNASTY!*—

If you can *forget* Lars Von Trier’s “Nazi” statement from Cannes, then you’ll *remember* the first seven and a half minutes of “♏elancholia,” because it’s definitely worth your time. The film opens with Justine – Kirsten Dunst – followed by several of  the other main characters in a dream like sequence that’s electrifying to the same the least.

Richard Wagner’s Tristan und Isolde whimsies our ears in the background as a menacing “rogue” planet threatens Earth. Said planet – Melancholia – is expected to emerge from behind the Moon because it recently eclipsed from Antares (Scorpios in the Haus!) – a red star. The two planets collide resulting in the opening’s conclusion:
the movie splits into two parts.

PART ONE: Justine, in wedding gown, is arriving to her reception with her ‘just married’ hubby, Michael AKA Eric Northman (Alexander Skarsgard).

Can a grrrl get an interview with a Vamp?!


The saying “goes without a hitch,” laughs in the face of the vastly expensive and glitzy wedding that follows. Justine’s ♏erc is def spawning some maj retrograde babies bc in the name of hysteria lane, nothing goes right. Her be(havior)aver plays out like a full on Monet.


She’s gorg to the bourgeoise – don’t get me wrong – butt an empty sadness feeds off of her like a water bottle in a hamster cage – drip, drop, drip, drop, and slowly we learn that although Justine shares a deeply psychic relationship with Earth, it’s often “too big” for her. Her parents take the fun out of dysfunctional – openly fighting during the wedding speeches,  and we see Justine disappear from the festivities more times than Nicki Minaj’s fashion sense.

[“Can Someone Plze Tell Me What The F This Is?,” Original (F)art by Jake Thompson]

In a weary haze of fantasy, Justine floats like a fleeting vision and like a good celestial sister of the coven, seems almost seduced by the moon. I mean, she even turns down Eric’s Nor♐hman (if you catch my drift!) Anytime a norsk viking advances, you should sail that ship like Poseidon’s wench AKA Circe, in my humble opinion.

Justine enters a Great Depression all her own, leaving distracted from Michael in their wedding suite – who is down to his boxxxer briefs (FYI). Can a grrrl get a fangbanger, plze? Like a planetary collision, she explodes into a million little pieces, first by cheating on Michael, and then calling it quits on her advertising agency where she was just crowned Art Director.

Her sister Claire – Charlotte Gainsbourg – tries to be the jam to everyone’s toast, but her toaster’s fuse goes out when Michael leaves Justine shortly there after that evening.


PART TWO  – Claire’s POV (Planet. Of. View.) – shows some time has passed since the wedding. Justine who’s delirium renders her ill comes to stay at Claire and John AKA Kiefer Sutherland’s estate. Claire strives to be in control – seeing her role as Justine’s nurse as her w(g)ay of coping with the celestial superstition of Melancholia coming. We slowly see the apple doesn’t fall far from the planetary tree as the two sisters collide from their differences. As the day approaches that Melancholia will crash, Justine goes all Iron Maiden on Claire, criticizing her for sympathizing with Earth, while Claire  – reminiscent of Crash Test Dummies “Mmm³,” slowly loses her mind out of fear of the apocalypse.

Besides the pretty textures, colors, and aesthetics of the film – I really connected with both women – their relationship with each other and their relationship with the moon. The moon’s all about visions, illusions, and often madness. Both sisters (s)experience visions of Melancholia – and their approach to accepting it brings out the dark sides of both of them. Their relationship was much like Earth and Melancholia. Earth – being Claire, and Justine – Melancholia. Claire repeatedly says, “Sometimes I hate you so much Justine,” and I think there are relationships in life that often act out sometimes by w(g)ays of energy and/or atmosphere. In this sense, the women play out the moon’s magik.

Much like tarot card’s reading of the Moon, the Fool follows the moon, experiencing sleepwalking, and the darkest mysteries of himself, and of the world. He becomes obsessed – but this involves him finding himself waist-deep in salty water. Fashionasty Mindmeld: water – as in Poseidon – breeded horses from many of his water nymph mistresses. In Melancholia, the sisters ride horses for leisure, but they also listen to the horses in the stable to gauge Melancholia’s arrival: calm vs. terror. Riddle-me-this, fashionasties, Lars Von Trier has often been criticized for making misogynist films in the past. In this sense, is Lars – the director – the man in the Moon?!…Seducing and posessing his actors – two women – letting them experience and discover faucets of themselves and the Earth, butt ultimately they crash and burn by Melancholia??? Just a thought…


What are the two looking up at??? Hopefully loads of recognition for their work. Kirsten Dunst: the Kumback Kid is at her best, and Charlotte is flawless and French so she’s better than all the h8ers-to-the-left. However you digest this film, I think it’s worth seeing – and I’ll have to cash in my thrifty demise and render seeing this in the cinemathque – just to even see the opening again.

Either w(g)ay, this is what Fashionasty has to say about the Kirsten h8:


XOXO,

© JAKE THOMPSON

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About fashionastyjake

Fashionasty is a state of mind, a lifestyle, and a trend that will never die young. I like borderline ugly street fashion. I like burgers. I'm desperate to find you.
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