€αґт♄ ℐη☂ґü∂εґṧ: Fashionasty Top Ei8ht ☾ountdown: 3rd Rock From The ☼


Fashionasty Presents:
Fashionasty Top Ei8ht ☾ountdown: 3rd Rock From The ☼

Series finales always make me really upset. I don’t know if it’s because the characters are convincing me of their convictions and I have to say “good bye”, or that TV is this twarped sense of nostalgic stablitiy that when something ends you can’t help but let the water works slide down your flawless jaw line. Or as the Solomon’s call it, “leaking.”

[Fas(h)creen Grab Nasty by Jake] 

The show that I’m talking about is Third Rock From The Sun. I watched ALL six seasons in the span of se7en weeks on netflixxx instanasty. That’s right, #mylifeissad. To honor a show that pushed the boundaries of what it means to be “human,” I am counting down the Top Ei8ht most fashionasty finds from the series. (I couldn’t think of ten)…

Ei8ght) Judith Draper 

Do you wear the pants in your relationship? Well then you could certainly take a brush off the old shoulder pads of Dr. Judith Draper. To achieve this look you’ll need to adopt Daria’s lense of a sick, sad, world, “stay” in the specs of Lisa Loeb, and harness the power suit form Whoopi Goldberg’s closet in  the Associate:

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Se7en) Nina


Cubicle couture has always been an aspirational fashion achievement framed above Fashionasty Headquarters main circulation desk. And who better to get a gold star for inspiring this look than Nina – Dick’s assistant. With her firewhip wit and pencil slit skirts (I don’t know what else to call them), Nina drew that fine line between Velma and Daphne so well. Between pairing geek vests with Gucci skirts or plaids, this H.S.I.C (Head. Secretary. In. Charge.) will forever be filed under fashionasty in the fashionasty file cabinet for lyfe.

PS. Let’s naught(y) 4get her “Judy Jetson” look in the series finale that was so haute it begs the question if womyn are actually from Mars:

S6x) Larissa Olynicks hair


From capri sun Alex Mack to Ten Things I Hate About Julia Stiles, having Larissa’s hair join the cast of Third Rock was like detangling your fashionasty frizz once and for all. This was around the time that Britney had just cut her curly locks from “Crazy” to her edgy “Lucky” hair so grrls were keepin’ it short in the hair but long in the hair accessories. From tiny venus-fly-trap clips (prefferably blue raspberry or lavender ones with sparkles), a full bottle of mouse, and pigtails coming out of every orifice, this look was so fashion that it became the nasty that hair dryers around the glitter globe can’t blow this look aw(g)ay!

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Fi5e) Tommy’s hair


EW. Tommy aka JGL was cute then and cute now. There needs no explanation.

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 4our) Sally

Duh. No 3rd Rock countdown would be complete without the original Countess of outerspace: Sally Solomon. My favorite (!) and first trans persons on NBC network – Sally taught all of us how to be both a man and a woman. Pairing video vixxxen dresses with Doc Martens, Sally’s closet accidents became what Terry Richardson wishes to shoot his triple lense load all over today.

Let’s naught(y) 4get this little gem:

PS:

Thr33) Dubcek


This fierce bitch put the lord in land as the Solomon’s rent collector. Can I write her a check? A check and mate! Mixing negligee with bloomers, sequins with capes, AND always in lucite wedges, Dubcek made every excuse not to have an excuse for dressing so fabulously fashionasty that she’ll always be the lord of my rings. 14K. Don’t spend it all on one meal!

2wo) Harry’s coat

Besides Dubcek, Harry was probably the most fashionastyable. Suspenders, sweater vests, and platforms (the kind you can get a tatters that are black with pootytang faux leopard print on them) made him #1 on our list (#1 place is held by an episode). With winter cumming to a window near you, why naught(y) take a chip of the old fur patch of Harry’s coat. The one that looked like kerosene had tramp stamped satan’s asshole onto a possum’s face. That one.

1ne) 36! 24! 36!: Venusians

If George Michael’s “Freedom” had a director’s cut, S3E15&16 would be it.

It’s like a Vh1 pop-up video for En Vogue. Cindy Crawford and her band of model marshains aka Venusians are sent to earth to convince men to buy products (a la Parker Posey and Alan Cumming in Josie and the Pussycats). The campy plot – to the out-of-this-world crops and tops these ladies sported – namely Sally in this little number:


Photographic proof that I would allow these ladies to abduct my ufo:

3rd Rock achieved what Fashionasty Headquarters aspires to for fashionasties across the glitter globe: Push the boundaries of what it means to be “human.” We can do this 2gether4ever bi-(curious) questioning, commentating, and relearning culture through fashion and bea(havior)ver. Remember, keep it fashion. Keep it nasty.

XOXO,

© JAKE THOMPSON

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About fashionastyjake

Fashionasty is a state of mind, a lifestyle, and a trend that will never die young. I like borderline ugly street fashion. I like burgers. I'm desperate to find you.
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