Are capital Y – O – U always looking for your white collarless shirt from Fred Segal
in the morning, fashionasties?!
Get A Clue: $top, Crop, & Roll with the Hom(o)ies
Verbatim a la Cher Horowitz: do you prefer to be a “fashion victim” or “ensembly challenged?” Well here/queer @ Fashionasty Headquarters, ‘victim’ and ‘challenged’ are nowhere to be found in the Fashionasty Hand(job) Book 4 Living Lyfe In The Fast (Food) Lane bc in the words of Jill Sobule, we’re gonna be supermodels! Butt, it goes w/o stating that fashionasties take THE CHALLENGE…
(For 3 easy payments of $0.99, u can take home(o) MK&Ash’s best DualStar made for TV movie…OR…just watch Parts 1 – 6 on Youtube.)
…every day when we confront our closets. And what’s more challenging than dressin’ ur tossed salad in over ninety-eight degrees (and rising!) weather?!?!
R u like Tai (R.I.P., srsly.) & in dire need of a fashionasty makeover?! Do you want to stick to a budget, while naught(y) letting the fabric of our fashionasty lives stick to YOU in this summer heatwave?! Then unplug ur closet matching software…
I see it two w(g)ays, fashionasties: 1) U’ve either been listenin’ to Kelly Rowland’s “Motivation” and/or just glared at her fab abs on the cover of her new CD, which motivated u to step it up and six pack it on:
OR 2) U’ve been too busy making out with Minneapolis to becum a gym rat, and have found a happy medium in the demise of a Tall Boy a.k.a. Pabst Blue Ribbon, where the only six pack you’ve been stacking is when you swipe your plastic at Zipp’s for a PBR fixxx…
Either w(g)ay you slice ur pizza pie, you’ll be the cream of the crop when you $top, Crop, & Roll With The Hom(o)ies…it’s very simple: U gotta a top that’s a tight squeeze?! Cut it out and cut it off! Vwala! Now you can have a “snack with your girlfriends in Kuwait” when really you’re rocking your crop top at that fab party in the Valley…
BUTT – WHO TOPS THE CROP?!?!
2) FRANNY FINE
Photo by Amalia Nicholson
Check out my two sisters in the coven, Sheila of CLAP & Amalia of Double Vision, tie til they die. WI†CH – after last Sund(g)ay’s True Blood episode – A.N. pointed out that “[witches] don’t die, they just inhabit other bodies sometimes.”
4) KAT $TRATFORD
5) CA$EY BECKER
6) GWEN $TEFANI
PS. If u’re lucky enuff to go see Mizz Nasty on August 19th, Y($L) rn’t u taking me?!?!
8) MARIAH CAREY
Well there you have it, fashionasties! While we have summer on our side salads, dress it up with a CROP TOP.
This post is approved by all the fashionasties that Amy Heckerling made famous:
© JAKE THOMPSON