[Maria “bikini kills” it!]
[Photo by Crystal Meisinger]
A bikini-billion times more graceful than Sarah Jessica Parker hosting the VMA’s in 2000, Maria threw a hot tub party at the Pine Cone Castle last week and had more wardrobe changes than Carrie Bradshaw could ever (wet) dream of. With Minneapolis’ recent 102 degree weather, swimsuits are the main entree today & who better to Q their A than swimsuit (s)expert Maria!
Maria’s Haute Tub Fashion Tips
Q: Hi Maria! Hi Franky! Hi Marf!
A: Hi Jake!!!!
Q: Let’s talk about your amazing hot tub party. What a magical idea! How did you come up with it?
A: I came up with it last year for my friend Kiera’s birthday! She’s a February baby, so I figured how else to shake off midwinter doldrums than to rent a hot tub! We didn’t do it then, cause my dad had a stroke. So we did it for my 28th!
Q: Where did you rent it from? I think our readers would like to know the deets so they can have 24hr prune parties all summer long too!
A: Hot Tub n Fun. $335. It’s 8 feet wide so it can’t go down alleys so having a driveway off the street works best. When you call Hot Tub n Fun they answer “Steve here!” Steve is pretty crotchety but you know…hot tub.
Q: Amazing. OK, let’s talk about swimsuits. Do you prefer bathing suits or swimsuits and why do you think they are called that?
A: Swimsuit all the way….I think in olden times swimsuits were so cumbersome that they could easily drown a lady so they were relegated to only submerge in the shallow depths of the bathtun and thereby they became bathing suits.
Q: You were easily best dressed. Let’s talk about this first one. (See picture at top of post!). What inspired you to wear purple.
A: Duh Prince! Actually, it’s way too 70’s to truly be divinely influenced, the main inspiration was more that I found a fabulous 2 piece. My first vintage swimsuit was a cotton one piece that required much soggy contorting in public restrooms. Only sort of fun.
[Photo by Crystal Meisinger]
Q: I think this second one is my favorite. Floral looks really good in nature. What do you think about floral prints outside of floral swimsuits?
A: I love floral everything. washed out big blossoms & embroidered buds especially. i want a floral dresser real bad.
Q: Let’s talk about this turqouise one. There was a popular, unplanned yearning for turquoise amongst partygoers. Why do you think that was? Do you like turquoise or purple more?
A: Everyone loved that turquoise one – i think it’s cause of the glamorous 50s cut (remember kathy moriarty in Raging Bull?? boner!). i’m partial to turquoise over purple being that emerald is my birthstone.
Q: This photos really cute. I especially enjoy the beer cozy. It kind of looks like you just changed tops. But I like the two piece change with the added pink. Was this a conscious decision as the tub got hotter and more full of queer babies?
A: This is my favorite photo! Everyone, please note my hot boyfriend, Felix!
so all of my swimsuits are thrifted (through divine intervention they come to me!) but this one is ….. FROM TARGET! i know i know. it might be my favorite too! the shame the shame! new swimsuits are so sturdy and stretchy and the coral with the turquoise makes my heart sing! i saved it for last and kept it on the longest, but that also may have been because i had been drinking since 2 pm
Q: I don’t have a last photo of your last bathing suit but that partly could be because I was drunk. Can you describe it for our readers.
A: that target swimsuit was the one i fell asleep in… but i had an 80s strapless one piece with descending shades of pink and gold that my friend Scottie wore!
Q: There was so much to drink. what was in the drinks at the drink station?
A: Blueberry lemonade and Cherry Lemonade with vodka or whiskey, then you & jack came with sangria, right? [for the record: the delicious & fruitful sangria that made us all swimsuit sloppy was made by the incomparable Anne Erickson] and there was modelo too! and Playa beer that Anne & Joie brought… oh lordy i don’t remember it all…
Q: Either way, It was an amazing party! Thank you for having us!
A: Thanks ya’ll for coming!!!! and supporting my fashionastiness! i totally get inspired when i read fashionasty!
Q: Aww thank you that means the world!
Last question: besides yourself, who would you say was best dressed at your birthday party?
A: Whoa tough call. crystal was wearing those ankle high cowboy boots that make me go crazy especially with a tight black skirt. Lucy was wearing an 80s one piece with and orchid on it that highlighted her neon orange streaks! your burnt orange shorts were totally amazing too. and anne was wearing that amazing Nagel-esque beach shirt! and i love when Bethany wears that neon pink one piece with a zipper! oooh but felix was workin’ a white mesh shirt with pink and turquoise 80s trunks and a big fat necklace! no wonder i’m so in love!
Thanks for the swimsuit insight, Maria! You’re a beach babe bunny & if you didn’t get enuff fashionasties, Maria dropped the bathing suit bomb on me Sunday night when she told me she actually has TEN swimsuits. Future photoshoot?! Is that even a question?!
© JAKE THOMPSON