Hold onto ur visas fashionasties, if $Moneyapoli$ continues to scoop up the dog poop in awards this year, we’re all gonna have to subsidize our sourkraushaus bratwursts for the influx of Williamsb(acondoublecheezeb)urgers that will begin infiltrating our heads, he(f)arts, & hineys in the not-too-distant future.
Irony finds a happy (meal) home(o) when we were dubbed the G▽YE$T city. Don’t get me wrong/bong, I’m gay as a day in May…
(that’s only okay when Janis Ian says that, btw!)
…& I definitely think we’re the QUEERE$T city (& had we been crowned that mound, I woulda, coulda, shoulda been made me the happiest, clappiest, slappy meal on the burger planet…butt I see two dumbies that I won’t give two thumbies up to:
MN (Banana) Republicans cuntinue to spray their gov’t chez whiz all over our beds ‘n stuff, banning same-sex marriage (which isn’t thee ONLY fight we’re tryin’ to ignite btw, people)…
Correct me if I’m wrong in saying that I thought we were the land ‘o ten-thousand gays…butt also lezzies, bi-cheerios, & trannies. Once again, misogyny finds a happy home(o) in ostracizing anyone without a disco stick. There’s so many amazing queers of all gender specifixxxations here/queer in the Gemini cities, butt obviously, “Gayness” and “Pride” are still emasculated male-body concepts for the hung and the breast-less.
In conclusion, it’s kinda shitty gritty that we’re allowing ourselves to be endured in this w(g)ay…
Is this saying that we all want to be the Crates in our own Barrel?!?! “Whiteness” as normalcy cuntiues to convey a happy stay in the mainstream Midwestern masculine-minded Minneapolis Misfit. And on a totally singular level, how cum ppl that aren’t even gay advocates tweetyburd/effbook like we’re some novelized pet monopoly or something that makes you look kooler on the interweb bc u “now” support our sports bras. Hello, we exist. We’re/Queer geniuses. Duh, we’re/queer the gayest city!!!
Naught(y) tryin’ to get nasty-nasty, animal-style, butt if one more non-advocate-butt-now-an-advocate-bc-of-gayest-city-dub-person greets me with “Hey fabulous!” and I’ve simply done nothing to turn up the speakers on this stereo(type), than you’re naught(y) really being an advocate/friend at all. U’re finding another w(g)ay to pet my pussy like a pork chop.
On a grandeur level, I think the (s)exxxposure is wonderful for us! Party in the U.S.(G)Ay…It’d be kool if the korect terminology was used appropriately, however. It’s like…we’ve already allowed a skinny rich bitch white girl from NYC market us to the Edge of our Glory (holes):
Why do we need a national campaign tell us how kool we already know we are. We’re smart(ass), badass Minnesotans. It’s like an ongoing “It Get’s Better” Campaign. I know I was born this gay, and it’s ALWAYS BEEN BETTER. Of course it’s always going to be better for Lady Gaga. I’d be better too, if I could wear Theirry Mugler and Noritaka Tatehana on the daily (bread).
*DISCLA(I)M(M)ER: Quoted by my Fran(ny Fine) Amalia of Double Vision: “I will always dance to Lady Gaga at a party.” Simplistic and so true. Don’t get me wrong, I will rage against the machine anytime her jams are put into the party toaster, butt maybe Gaga should take some advice from her own songs & “Just Dance.”
Secondly, we’ve been crowned the “Most Hipster” city as well…At this point, and from ppl’s reactions to these newfound home(0)ward bound claims, you’d almost think that being Gay and being Hip(ster) are the same thing, right?! Another powerful and idiotic marketing tool to once again, kneed our bread, and then re-feed us things that we already took pride/ownership in/of before. No thanks! I’d rather get a gluten allergy first! I can already see Urban Outfitters cuntrolling our wallets in the not-too-distant future:
In the words of India Arie, “This is all my opinion, ain’t nothing that I’m sayin’ is law.” So take everything here/queer with a grain of salt. I’m not here/queer to offend, butt I do know that fashionasties are geniuses. Goddesses. Gems. And so I ask that we be mindful of the misuse or the misrepresentation that some of these markets convey, or (brat)wurst, what they convict us of!
I think in all the w(g)ays Minneapolis is made are so beautiful and wonderful, so let’s just naught(y) rest on our laurels and let our lutefisk legacy be reduced to such sillyness!
© JAKE THOMPSON