JUDA$$: Satan Glory (Hole) & 666(9) W(G)ays 2 Go Straight/Gay 2 Hell

R u in love with JudA$$, fashionasties?!

Now before u get ur wellies in a wart, don’t fret fashionasties!

This post is naught(y) dedicated to Mid-Lyfe-Mother-Monster-In-Crisis, Gaga. Butt don’t scat like u haven’t been queening out to this every time u dial in the number of the beast: 666 (9). Fashionasties don’t die in the arms of a deity, so we wouldn’t iconoclast just Gaga’s ass. This is much, much, more about dropping it like it’s haute for Hades.


My love for JudA$$ st(f)arted W(G)AY b4 Lady Who-Ha put out her disco st(d)ick…I was born a month premature (Scorpios Unite!) on the witching hour of Novemeber 1st, AKA “All Saints Day.” My mother was in a witch costume pushing me out of her uterus on Halloween night. Miraculously, at 3AM, Lucifer’s Whore was born. Everyone said that I was saved by the sins by the fraction of 180 minutes…

THEY
WERE
WRONG!!!

Dark…


…is the new light, fashionasties….


U can’t acknowledge ur shine until u acknowledge ur grime.

The ideology that were supposed to seek “goodness,” is like purrformance (f)art. It’s all subjective, right?! Have you ever heard the catchmeifucantphrase: “Don’t eat where u shit?” Well, sometimes, u’ve gotta get a little stinky, to get a little pinky (if u catch my drift!)


How can we live our lives by someone we haven’t met yet?! What makes his (s)exxxistance any (glory) holier than ours?! I’m naught(y) saying to rip a raven’s head off and eat it, butt what I’m trying to (f)articulate here/queer, fashionasties, is that I think we are quote-on-quote “good” peeps. Infact, we’re/queer BEAUTIFUL, damnit!

Butt to the heteronormative probiotic live cultures of the rest of the fruit in the yogurt parfait/gay, we’re considered deviants. Outkasts. Abusers. Losers. & Users. If me and my fashionasty franz are deemed evil, than I don’t want to be nice. Call me sweet and sour, butt I’d much rather go to straight/gay 2 Hell, if evereybody up in Heaven is grudging and judging.

Did anybody else wonder why everybody thought True Blood’s Maenad Maryann was so bad?! I was like…wait…that p(f)arty sounds like fun…


That’s Y(SL), with no further adou, Fashionasty Headquarters presents to you:

JUDA$$:
Satan (Glory) Hole & 666(9) W(G)ays 2 Go Straight/Gay 2 Hell

1) $NAKE $KIN

Let’s st(f)art from the very beginning…what’s scalier than being tempted by the fruit of another???


Who doesn’t want to be the first one voted off Temptation Island?!

Suck in your j – e – l – l – o, and say H – E – L – L – o to some Snake Skin!

2) $CIENT(E$TICLE)IST$

Now, let’s st(f)art from the 0ther beginning…I see ur book of Genesis, & I raise u a JurA$$ic park. Everythang can be explained by Mami Nature, so make like a lab rat and (s)experiment with some of these scient(esticle)ist’s styles:

Remember 2 wear protexxxion, fashionasties! U’ll need the right hardware when ur (s)experimentin’ with these looks! Googles will go a (foot)long w(g)ay!

3) HAUTE HORN$

U’ve made it to the final gateway to honing ur own hellish hauteness, fashionasties! Once u recognize ur darkness, ur horns will grow, & u’ll be the baddest bitch on the (cock)block!


So grab ur witchforks & stab into ur inner Satan!

*DISCLA(I)M(M)ER: This post was made in response and in support of all my fellow fashionasties who are constantly told that they/we are the problem. Never send a narrow-minded whore to do Lucifer’s chores!!!

666,

© JAKE THOMPSON

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About fashionastyjake

Fashionasty is a state of mind, a lifestyle, and a trend that will never die young. I like borderline ugly street fashion. I like burgers. I'm desperate to find you.
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