Don’t act like ur naught(y) nerding ur nasty so hard(core),
counting down the doom days til you can blow ur Criterion Collection wad all over ur fashionasty face ‘n stuff!!!
I remember my first “time” with Scre☠m very well. People gab about ur first time (and gab and gab) and blab it up and down and nag it all around…but u’ll never really cherry ur own pie until u taste it for urself. So it was a really tender moment for me (butt, it hurt like a bitch! Meow!)
1996. My sister Lex was having a Slashion Slumber Soiree with her girlfriends in the basement. I was a ripe peach of ten at the time, and my parents made it very clear that I couldn’t peeve their pajama party. U know, without a doubt, a true fashionasty would peep that tom so fast…or at least die trying to sneak a peek…naught(y) bc I wanted to oogle at my sister’s girlfriends (for obvious reasons: I’m ▼, like, duh), butt I’d heard so much about how scary ur “first time” [with Scream] is. So I watched voyeur-style, Illuminaughty-status, from the top of the basement stairs, with just half my head visible, one-eye-only as the opening credits began to roll…(BI)-CURIOUSITY KILLED THE CAT, bc I’m still terrified by Drew-I’ve-done-too-much-meth-so-I-smirk-to-the-side-now-Barrymore’s prologue.
I guess it’s like what they say about ur first time:
“Just bend over, put ur head in the pillow, & SCRE4M!!!”
So how does a fashionasty prescare themselves for Friday’s flicker-licker??? Well, Fashionasty’s gonna slice ‘n dice some:
WET (SCRE4M) DREAMZ:
SLASHION FASHION THAT’LL KEEP U ↑ ALL NITE…
just for you, fashionasties!
DISCLA(I)M(M)ER: Before we get st(f)arted, Fashionasty Headquarters is gonna have pretty high standards for Scre4m 4 bc they stabbed the fab Parker Posey in the last one…
…which is pretty stupid if u ask me, bc everybody knows u can’t kill a party grrl!!!
OK – back to the Slashion:
1) DREW BOB-Y-MORE
Don’t answer the phone! Unless it’s on ur head, of course.
Slashion wouldn’t be complete without stabbing the drab with some knife lyfe.
Sydney Prescott’s stalker wanted her cuz she was the virgin to his mobile.
Blood makes you a stud!
If all else fails, u can always be the most fashionasty SCREAM of all time:
6) FASHION MAS(K)SACRE
© JAKE THOMPSON