*DISCLA(I)M(M)ER: Fashionasty is about keeping the NA$TY on the clothes, naught(y) each other, butt in this specific Dear Diarrhea, we’re gonna have to get a teeny tiny bit gnarly to our barkly for a second. That being said, here/queer we go…
I don’t normally get to partake in the world of reality TV these days (manely bc RealHausWivesofHennepinCounty IS a reality show everyd[g]ay, duh), butt I witnessed something so fabulously douchey, I had to share it here/queer at Fashionasty Headquarters right aw(g)ay.
Just(ice) to give you the jizz: Kim KarKrashian –
who up until recently I didn’t know much about other than the factoid that she wears leggings for pants? AND that she sounds like a prenatal, Icelandic, gerber-baby kitten when she talks, amirite? – blew her wad on her sexually ambig(giesize)uous friend in last Sunday eve’s episode.
Carding him her “gay bestie,” wasn’t the only thing this little homophobe-y put between her wonder bread…she also forced him to shop til he dropped, zip up her d(ist)resses, AND set him up on a gay blind date. BUTT – here’s/queer’s the kicker – the bitch is STR8 as an ace…DUN DUN DUN…and once again, Kim KarKrashian looks fabulously douchey for the world to see.
Also: Kim KarKrashian is BFF with the Notorious HOMO.PHOBE.Y: Kanye West, which brings her fabulous douche level to orbital proportions!
“Gaydar,” is ALL A MIRAGE, birdies!!!
First (jack) off, gays WILL be ur bestie (if it’s concentual and we MUST sign a planned parenthood pregnancy pact first), however, we’ll NEVER be ur “gay bestie.” No stiffs, stands, or snuffs. We aren’t a toy dog, an access(ex)ory, or a novelty for you to fawn ur flaunt all over ur PHATA MORGANA.
Another bone to pick: What do we give off that screams we want to be ur canvas, and be toted around Rodeo Drive, anyw(g)ays???!!! We aren’t a fashion access(ex)ory…get an effing Chanel purse if you need to.
I mean, OF COURSE, queers are the MUSES to ur bouches, butt, it’s gotta be a mutual confection of he(f)arts. Naught(y) just one (pandora’s) boxxx of chocolates that only u take bites out of each flavor, just so u could taste the difference between blood orange and vanilla creme fillings. It’s all an optical illusion AKA OPITBALLS CONFUSION.
And lastly, we don’t need to have makers to our matches bc fashionasties are their own maker. Don’t be a martyr, just be a maker! Since queers are geniuses, I think we can spell capital “G. r. i. n. d. r.” thankyouverymuch.
*I ALSO known that I have it down to a science when I order a falafel sandwich, a side of baba ganoush, and a seltzer. So this piece of street meat can feed itself, k???
*This is all my opinion, so I can’t speak for everybody else, butt, if you want to keep up that fabulously douchey look of yours, continue to be lost in the des(s)ert aisle with ur big Phata Morgana “Gaydar” gelato! Just remember, assuming makes an ass out of U and Me!!!
© JAKE THOMPSON