Fashion Felonies: Criminal Couture & the Miss Representation of Femme Fatales & Lolita Lohans

Before the fashion police go code blue waffle on their cooter’s over Lindsay Lohan’s decision to follow her BA$IC INSTINCT and don a Kimberly Ovitz’s white cocktail dress to her court hearing…Fashionasty’s going elementary debate team status on  Star Tribune’s “What Not 2 Wear 2 Ur Court Hearing” found in today’s Variety sextion first…

Lolita Lohan:
Smart. Prophreshional. Confident. Biznasty Womyn.

How is this real news / printed matter?

Do we even need to address the fact that Kimberly Ovitz’s should be feeding out of Lindsay’s newly single snatch for helping her $ELL OUT of this form-fitting little number??? Seriously, I suggest you fillet her mignon &/or watercress her salad immediately. This flashin’ forward femme fetale naught(y) only allows u to sit ur ass on that new bidet, butt, ur also wiping ur booty with crisp $100’s. Blush, lush, & flush!

La Vida Lohan chose white. Pure. Simple. Virginal. The colour of  angel’s PMS. Innocence is in the behind of the bolder, and I see no stains here/queer! Period. If Lilo put the pirate in her pooty, wouldn’t there be some true blood left on her criminal cuticles???

And fourthly
Y($L) does everyone’s willy’s get a wedgy & have a riot over a grrrl’s dress line?! B4 the judicial courts burst the seems of their wet dreams, have some respect. Lilo is ONLY doing what YOU’VE created. In today’s paper, Star Tribune reports that lawyers ask their clients to dress INNOCENT…because to me as Fa†her Fashionasty, I digest “innocent” like this:

Whore-der in the court!!!

Sort of reverse profiling, if you ask me, right court hauses of America??? Aren’t we stirring the crockpot to crooked criminalization??? It’s no longer about whether or naught(y) Lolita Lohan crowned the convicted jewels, it literally has cum down to the fruit looms of Lohan’s family jewels!!!! Is it becuz her favorite flowers are TWO LIPS? Is it becuz she has a double X chromeo?…or rather, it’s simply becuz of her double D’s, right? Becuz clearly, the Martha’s, the Lil Kim’s, & the Britney’s of the fashionasty world, seem to fall victim to the double standard curse, simply because of their double decker supremes.

Kapow! Busted! Talk about right to a fair trial!

Al though Willow Smith has the courage to sing about the 21st Century Girl…it never ceases to surprise me that womyn are ALWAYS on the catwalk of life, even during these modern times. A pageant on ur panties around the c(l)ock block. As a fashionasty, that may sound fabulous to always be purrforming on the runway for rag-tag retail, butt, it should be a concensual decision between u, urself, and ur fashionasty closet. Thanxxx douchebags of the world for keeping ur floppy, sagging dicks out of ur 75% off Hugo Boss pantsuit when ur making decisions about someone’s life. Innocent or guilty, think with ur brain for a change, not ur balls!


This message approved by the Original Femme Fetale:

Let’s figure out how we want to throw around the word “felony,” because if fashion is now a crime, then every fashionasty of this glitter globe is going to be thrown behind bars! Save ur taxxx dollars!!!




About fashionastyjake

Fashionasty is a state of mind, a lifestyle, and a trend that will never die young. I like borderline ugly street fashion. I like burgers. I'm desperate to find you.
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One Response to Fashion Felonies: Criminal Couture & the Miss Representation of Femme Fatales & Lolita Lohans

  1. Pingback: Fashion Felonies: Criminal Couture & the Miss Representation of … — Lindsay Lohan Gossip

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