Eccentric, over-the-top, & unapologetic would describe us better. Butt, every D-O-Double G, has it’s day, and there are times when fashionasties want to say something, without really saying it (if you catch my drift!) That’s why, underneath ur clothes, there’s an endless story/glory (hole)…
Panty Politixxx (Pan-tee Paul-a-ticks)
1) Being radical with m.a.d.d. style
2) Protestin’ with ur testes
Sometimes, Fashionasties just have something they need to get off their chest. We either riot/walk like an egyptian, protest(icles), or rebel with a cause.
Butt what if I were to tell you there was a non-violent approach to poppin’ ur preach, without having to use a megaphone to screech?
Well now you can…just unsnap ur bra straps, & STRAP ON ur panty politixxx.
Now you can get ur point across (ur peen) without having to stand on the corner of scat and man in St. Paul, waving ur tagboard(om) poster. Like really? I don’t think flashing a sign over the Mississippi River is going to get Obamarama to listen to ur wrath on the war.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a Scorpio to true (blood) form, so PASSION is everything. I’m all about fucking the system, dancing in the street, & above all, putting a butt plug in every cops’ coffee mug, solely so they’ll stop leaking their shitty stench on all our Dior trench(es)…
If we all just came out of the fashionasty closet in our panty politixxx instead, peeps can rage against the machine 24/7/365. If Godga gets to be a walking advertisement, Y(SL) can’t you?!
Haters gonna keep hatin’ on fashionasties, butt with self-love & shoulder (maxi) pads, we can push policies with nothing more than our push-up bras.
1) Olive (Juice[y] Couture) Branchers
Underneath it all, fashionasties are non-aggressors. Make Glitter, Not War is our M.O. So, being the burger martyrs that we are, in the words of Ace of Base, “We saw the (peace) sign!” So, instead of givin’ into the hype of hypocritical shops that sell Che’s Guevara, bumper stickers, or peace pins, just say, “What’s that smell? Did someone liberal (f)art in here?!” Instead of dredding ur hair, wearing vegan slippers, or smelling like last night’s patchouli, all you have to do is channel ur inner Prince of Peace…
2) PIECES OF ME(AT)
Anna Wintour’s having a Winter’s Bone(r) this year with statement pieces of me(at). If ur already in the rabbit (glory) hole, and eating a strict vegetarian/vagitarian diet, why stop at snappin’ into a slim jim carrot, when you can just toss ur own salad on the fashionasty scatwalk.
Besides, you ARE what you wear???
3) BIO(FREE)DOM(E) FROCKS
If you’ve found urself stirring the cauldron in some double, double, toil, & TROUBLE recently, what’s more criminal than ending the world as you know it, in a freedom frock?
PUT A (JAIL)BIRD ON IT!!!
4) VANITY F(L)AIR
Admit it fashionasties, we are as vain as we allow…modesty is for mice, and fashionasties are Pussies in Control strutting our shit on the CATwalk’s catnip. So what if we love ourselves as much as you do…is there something wrong with shameless self-promotion? I don’t think so!
5) JEFE JEANS
The only God fashionasties answer to, are ourselves. Personally, I don’t get on all fours, put my head in the pillow and scream for just anybody! There’s no class(y) system, food chain, president, etc. associated with Fashionasty. Butt, if you must salute ur shorts, here’s/queer’s some looks that could get u in the oval office’s pants:
5) KISS THE RAIN(BOW)
Were you Born This Gay? I know I was! Rather than making a “It’s Getting Better” video-blog, you can just taste the rainbow and diddle ur skittle in the fight for equality by being the pot (belly) to ur own gold!
[Photo by Winona Grey of Minneapolis Affair]
6) THE FARTORIALIST
Just jabbing my stillet(h)o in for a milli-sec, butt Dear Urban Outfitters, you never cease to be so fabulously douchey!!! This look is not hard(core) to achieve if you wanna look like you left ur medulla at home(o). Just don’t smile (or eat, apparently!):
Either w(g)ay, rise above, fashionasty comrades! And raise ur fashionasty freak flag high!
© JAKE THOMPSON