Golden Starches: Ronald McDonald Haus Of Phat Food Fashion


Like McDonald’s, Fashionasty serves 58 million customers daily.

All I ask is that u CUM AS U R

I’m here/queer to service you.


Open 24 hours to feed ur fashionasty addiction.

So naturally, in the words of Destiny’s Child, “I want to cater 2 u.”


The time has cum fashionasties, to not only put the happy in ur meals,
butt to put the happy on ur HEELS too…


Have you always been super jelly of the Haus of McDonald’s  fashion bellies? I have! Do you get so horny when an onion ring got effed by a fry? I do! Did you wanna get that Big Mac Heart Attack Daddy look? Always! Then I hope ur hungry fashionasties because I’m gonna take YOU on a tour de french fries in my Burger Mobile…


…as we driv-thru the Ronald McDonald Haus of Phat Food Fashion. We ordered one of everything off the dollar men-u, so STRAP ON ur buckle, & unzip ur denims, we’re about to have a burger baby 2gether…

1) Before we can pack a crunch and carpet munch on some burger brunch, let’s flip it Pattie Hearst-style & reverse it as we stroll down to Hamburg, Germany and eat some BURGER PHA$ION with our eyes/thighs:

[Thanxxx to Amalia Nicholson of Double Vision for this tasty treat!] [Wearing Burger Ready 2 Scare Collection]

1) RONALD MCDONALD: Yah. Uh-huh. Y’know what it is. Red & Yellow, Red & Yellow, Red & Yellow, Red & Yellow…Can you play ketchup with this clown couture? He’s got the IT look.

[Photo by Ellen Dahl Lawson] [Photo by Claire Molepske]

2) HAMBURGLAR: If you’re like Khia & you wanna snatch the cat back, then u’ll wanna be the jailbait to this bird. It’ll werq ur neck & ur back (just don’t drop the soap!)


If you’re not like Michael Jackson, and you don’t have any white or black in ur fashionasty closet, don’t sweat it, burger babes! Just do something CRIMINAL & you’ll be a better brand of beef, because your Hamburglar butter will taste better…

JUST REMEMBER: do urself a solid (I know it’s tuff with fast food indigestion)
& make sure ur mugshot is mugHOT:


3) GRIMACE: No need to be an (un)happy meal! The Color Purple will put the Whoopi in ur Goldberg, sister (act).


4) BIRDIE: R u (haute, sticky) sweet AND sour? R u the BB(C) in ur Q’s sauce? R u like a bird? Do u wanna fly aw(g)ay…no need to look further. Pull up ur grill, & take all ur (skinny) dipping dress(ings)es out becuz ur the (Alexander) McNugget Queen. In the words of R. Kelly, “I believe we can fly, fashionasties!”


If you follow some of these fast food forward fashion tips, you’re well on ur w(g)ay to living the Fashionasty American Dream.

Smile for the camera and say, “Government Cheeze!”


McGirl Power,

© JAKE THOMPSON

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About fashionastyjake

Fashionasty is a state of mind, a lifestyle, and a trend that will never die young. I like borderline ugly street fashion. I like burgers. I'm desperate to find you.
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4 Responses to Golden Starches: Ronald McDonald Haus Of Phat Food Fashion

  1. amalia/ddvv says:

    WHY AM I SO HUNGRY NOW?

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