Clarissa (S)explains It All: Pizza > ProActive


Na na na na na…

More like (piz)Za za za za za…

Besides knowing how to put the polka in her dots, pair every color scrunchy with matching jersey shorts, put up with her kid-brother Ferguson & her mom’s tofu sundaes, have a dreamy best friend/friend-with-benefits Sam, AND have a pet crocodile, Clarissa Darling really does (s)explain it all: PIZZA. Clarissa Life met Fashionasty Life on a pie chart built for two: Pizza trumps Shopping and Sleeping. Hands down. Duh.

But other than the obvious reasons: RISING dough…THICK-crust…(Big) Hand(sy)-tossed (salad)…(S)extra toppings…(Dick)cheesey goodness…Deep (throat) dish…

It no longer has to be JUST Delivery or DiGorno fashionasties…


Because you can call 1-800-FA$HIONA$TY and order up ur own personal pan PIZZA FA$HION str8 from ur own fashionasty oven.

1) Don’t be shy. If you’re gonna embrace ur inner dough, you’ve gotta get down ‘n dirrrty with ur pizza and thighs, first.

[Pizza Wrestling at Peggy Haus Warming –
Andrew Boos & Peter Hogan photographed by Zach Nash]

2) Next, you’ll wanna sink ur teeth into some of these fashionasty fixings to complete ur haute dish look:


Rather than serving urself up a pizza slice of Coco Chanel’s infamous words: “When access(ex)orising, always take off the last thing you put on,” Take a bite of advice from Scary-Kate and Smashley’s pizza slice instead: YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MANY TOPPING$:

Butt…the pizza phun doesn’t stop here/queer fashionasties…

3) Like most of my posts, rather than JUST garnishing a garb on the go…being Fashionasty is much, much deep(er) dish than that. At the end of ur fashionasty life, BEFORE YOU DIE, WHAT DO YOU WANT (IT TO SAY) ON UR TOMBSTONE???

That you were a shallow, picky, person like the dude in the above Tombstone commercial? H – E – L – L  2 THE NO. Fashionasties are beautiful, purrfect, pizza bagel bites, because our crust is more than what’s skin deep (dish).

So if u’ve ever been called a PIZZAFACE, don’t hide in regret, nuke some Totinos Pizza Rolls in the micro and ur set, ur on the right track fashionasty, you were born this w(g)ay.


Don’t waste ur hard-earned $$$ on ProActiv solution:

Just be PizzaActiv instead.

Turn that Pizza frown upside down, because ur phresh out the box: UR ALL THAT.



Sugar & Spice & Everything (Pizza) Slice,

© JAKE THOMPSON

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About fashionastyjake

Fashionasty is a state of mind, a lifestyle, and a trend that will never die young. I like borderline ugly street fashion. I like burgers. I'm desperate to find you.
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3 Responses to Clarissa (S)explains It All: Pizza > ProActive

  1. Maggie says:

    And let us not forget, the Queen Bea herself, http://beaarthurmountainspizza.tumblr.com/ !!!!!!!

  2. Maggie says:

    And let us not forget, the Queen Bea herself,
    http://beaarthurmountainspizza.tumblr.com/ !!!!

  3. Pingback: ғaѕнιonaѕтy dιgeѕт: weeĸly wrιтιngѕ on тнe wall #2 | fashionasty

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