It’s A Hard Knock(Offs) Life 4 Us: Phony Bologna Phasion


Dear Jake at Fashionasty Headquarters,


My friend called me a fake the other day because I didn’t know John Waters directed Cry Baby. [She] said it makes me not gay enough, queer enough, or film school enough either. What should I say to her?

 

 

XO,
artfag69

 

Well first off artfag69, DITCH THE BITCH. She obviously didn’t put her money where her mouth is because it seems like the only CRY BABY in the room is her! No one can tell u who u r or what u r, butt URSELF.

It’s a hard knock(off) life as it is fashionasties, butt when someone reads u head to toe, & tries to tell u ur not pretty enuff, thin enuff, tough enuff, smart enuff, art school enuff, they’re really just looking at the Michael in their Jackson.


The message really can’t be any clearer: Your “friend” needs to start with the man in the mirror, and ask him to change his ways.

YOU need to look at urself in the mirror, and repeat: “My [ex] friend thinks she’s hot shit, but she’s really just cold diarrhea.”

Simple reality: don’t surround urself with peeps that feel licensed to boss u around.

(Unless of course it’s Parker Posey because she can yell at me, touch me, acknowledge me, anything…doesn’t matter.)

The only bossy that should be in ur milkshake is Kelis, otherwise, ditch the bitches who get five stiches, drop it like it’s haute and get it in with ur fellow fashionasties. Being called a ‘fake’ is the least of ur worries, because collectively we’ve all probably been called some pretty colorful names in this glittery life time…butt in my opinion, the best part of waking up, is OWNIN’ IT in your diva cup.

If a hater-to-the-left calls you something – flip it and reverse it – and wear that scarlet letter loud and proud! Ur phony balogna “friend” most likely thinks they’ve won in some fashion, butt, then again, they aren’t a fashionasty by nature, so by owning being a “FAKE” artfag69, you’re proving to her that you’re getting the last laugh!

“Butt how do I dress fake?” you may find yourself asking this, artfag69. WHY KNOCKOFFS, OF COURSE. DUH.


How do you think fashionasties turn so many heads while attending all the hautest hot hoagie dancewiches?! Have you not been reading Fashionasty.com religiously?! Firstly, we NEVER pay full price! Like a Burger King value menu, you really can have it your w(g)ay because retail is a rewarding (s)experience.


Strut ur stuff down Canal St and pick up all the designer labels ur little he(f)art desires. Thrifitng or bazarring will guarantee that you can steal have ur Chanel cake and eat Jimmy Choo’s! And nobody has to know if it’s ginuwine or a knockoff.


Now I’m pretty vocal about my love a-flaire with Chanel. I’m Loco #5 about it, if you ask me. Are all my pieces authentic OR a knockoff? That’s one secret(ion) I’ll never tell.

Last word of advice artfag69…tell ur “friend” this next time u run into her:


XOXO,

©
JAKE THOMPSON

Advertisements

About fashionastyjake

Fashionasty is a state of mind, a lifestyle, and a trend that will never die young. I like borderline ugly street fashion. I like burgers. I'm desperate to find you.
This entry was posted in Fashionasty Studies. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to It’s A Hard Knock(Offs) Life 4 Us: Phony Bologna Phasion

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention It’s A Hard Knock(Offs) Life 4 Us: Phony Bologna Phasion | fashionasty -- Topsy.com

  2. Pingback: ғaѕнιonaѕтy dιgeѕт: weeĸly wrιтιngѕ on тнe wall #2 | fashionasty

  3. Pingback: ¡¡¡Happy 2☮☮th Fashionasty!!! | fashionasty

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s