GΔGΔ’s Born †his Gay: Orientalizing A Bad Chola-mance

If you don’t tweet this twat, then you should.

Our Meatpacking Mother Monster gave us an appeteazer of “Born This W(G)ay”  at last year’s VMA’s. I loved the sound byte. It was tasty!

Queer it is for those of you fashionasties who may naught(y) have gotten the opportunity to feast ur ears on this little (seafood) sampler bite/byte:

I even je t’adored you in the flesh Gaga. Double yummy! Butt before I get into the MEAT of this post, I thought I’d take the opportunity to ask you: if you could turn back time, would you have thought twice about making Cher hold your meat purse?



The only salmonella Cher should be worrying about was contracting the tartar sauce from XXXtina Aguilera’s fillet ‘o fish in ‘Burlesque.’

Yesterday, she posted the lyrics to her twitter (phat bank) account. Smells like fashionasty teen spirit (stick) of the year: Born This Way if you ask me!

During a time when musically challenged poptarts (a la Katy Perry’s ‘Firewerq’ & Kesha’s ‘We R Who We R,’) are “trying” to smear their jams on our toast with colorful lyrics of inclusivity & acceptance (even though in the past Perry sang unprogressive pops ‘Ur So Gay’ & ‘I Kissed A Girl’ that pushed us as far back in the fashionasty closet as possible, and didn’t make me feel included in the least). No, I’ve never felt like a paper bag Perry…ur not my American Beauty. I’d rather watch Alan Ball’s film, thanks. So it’s especially nice to see a song like Born †his W(g)ay cum out (of the closet), and almost rebel what the other snap, crackle, and poptards are pretending to sing about.

I ♥♥♥ U Godga. Period.


I’ll stand at the end of that bloody kotex sentence too, because I do (love her.)

I admire her fashionasty frocks (thanxxx to the Haus of Gaga), and she’s my #1 go to when I want to drink to get drunk. Stop kidding urself with Glass Candy & Hot Chip. Or watever band u trend on ur ipod. When I gotta going on, and I’ m pouring Chandon, all I want to do is listen to the Fame. Sorry. Godga provides the purrfect blurry aesthetic for how I see my night going. Losing my phone…spilling wine on a new fur coat…and I almost ALWAYS 4get the name of the place I’m at…sounds like ur typical evening of debauchery.

It’s also rephreshing to see a contemporary (performance f)artist pass some political gas and use their platform for something positive. I thought it was pretty rad when everyone else was making It Gets Better videos (they should really be called It Gets Better RIGHT NOW-THIS-VERY-SECOND-Because fashionasties don’t let nobody bully us around!) she took a fierce stance repelling Don’t Ask, Don’t Smell.

*Side note: everyone knows a F – i – l – i – p – i – n – o will be the first person to own their pooty tangs in public. Don’t Mask, Do Tell, is what I say!

And I give her MAD RESPECT(o) patronum for this verse in B†W:

NO MATTER GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BI,
LESBIAN, TRANSGENDERED LIFE
I’M ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY
I WAS BORN TO SURVIVE

 How can  you not love her?!

I cunt wait to see Fred Phelps’ – anti-homosexual propagandist/lifetime retard of God Hates Fags – smile turn upside down when this song becums our generation (x)’s anthem.

I hope you’re enjoying ur freedom of speech Phelps, because metaphorically 4EVER LOUD ‘N PROUD fashionasties are cumming like 2012. Apocalyptic uprising in our rectums. Ur tag boards of hate won’t last under our rainbow. You’ll only have two options when we’re finished with you: 1) Kiss our rain Billy Myers-style, OR 2) PURPLE RAIN.


Ignorance is NOT bliss. Unless of course it’s blistex. Otherwise fashionasties, ignorance is NOT CUTE. And we won’t stand for it. I’m going to don my sequins til the die I fly. And so should you! Cuz, in the wurdz of Our Lady of Gagalupe, U were born this (w)gay, baby!

BUTT…


The only caution flags that went up while reading her new lyrics were as follows:

NO MATTER BLACK, WHITE OR BEIGE
CHOLA OR ORIENT MADE
I’M ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY
I WAS BORN TO BE BRAVE

There’s two things that are kinda jockin’ my steez about it, Gaga.

1) You don’t wanna get caught in a Bad Chola-mance tossing around Chola-style if ur not prepared for the fight, Gaga. How cum the entire Spanish-speaking community is described as CHOLA?! Don’t get me wrong, Cholas gotta haute look and I want more black lipstick in my life every day, butt it’s like: “W†F B†W?”Might as well have said Tacos or Chimichangas, instead.

Besides, do you really want to mess with these TRICK BITCHEZ?:


It’s like Gwen Stefani 2005 all over again with Harajuku girls. Let’s all be one for Halloween, right? They’re SO super kawaii!

(In Gwen’s defense, she DID grow up in the OC so she’s kinda killin’ it with her Chola make-up, butt Gaga grew up in the prestigious UWS…so…)

There’s something entirely offensive in making someone’s race a costume.


And in this (basket) case, appropriating in entire group of people, an entire culture, and giving it the aesthetic solely of press-ons, aquanet, & black eyeliner.

And 2) Beside the Far East Movement (R U 4 Real? Like, really?) there isn’t really quality representation (at least state-side) of AZNs in the media. So firstly, I’d like to give kudos to Gagaloo for giving us a shout-out…butt ORIENT MADE??? Is that short for orientalizing? Otherizing? Oriental Ramen?


How bizarre is right! To me, you really put the gay in geisha this time, Gaga.


It continues to let mainstream minds believe the American dream that we are in kimonos and using chopstixxx all the time. And since when did Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Hmong, Filipino, Thai, etc. equal ORIENT?! I know I’m bias, and I realize she says, “Black, White, Beige…” to clump other ethnicities, butt sometimes AZN’s get the short end of the stick and I’m just stickin’ up for all my sistahs!

But like Gaga’s lyrics go, “Don’t be a drag, be a Queen!”

So let’s not over-contextualize our Monster (S)experience…overall, it’s pretty spectacular what she’s about to do with this message and with her highly anticipated album cumming out later this spring (awakening), I’m xxxcited. Fashionasty shares her simple, pure, and genuine message to stay true to U and love urself the most. As long as you can accomplish that, you’re set, fashionasty babies!

On a final thought and slightly related note, this is basically what I think about on the daily:

Born †his Gay,

XOXO

© JAKE THOMPSON

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About fashionastyjake

Fashionasty is a state of mind, a lifestyle, and a trend that will never die young. I like borderline ugly street fashion. I like burgers. I'm desperate to find you.
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