Unless they are DESIGNER, of course…
Butt let’s get personal for a minute fashionasties: In a world where everyone and everything likes to categorize and contextualize EVERYONE and EVERYTHING…my little heart that could, always gets a ping of bottled up hope that MAYBE there are peeps out there that don’t want to label things. Unless they are DESIGNER, of course…(cuz if you gotta Lacroix jumpsuit, sweetie, that you aren’t telling me about, you better be straight with me and hand it over. My life goal would be achieved and I’d die another day.)
Skip ahead to 2:03:
Call me a dream-catch-weavin’-macaroni-art dreamer, butt somewhere in my fashionasty heart I’m desperate to find peeps that are crazy, sexy, cool, butt can also have a sense of humor. If you’re going to take the Fashionasty challenge, you HAVE to be willing to make fun of yourself every day.
Truly, madly, deeply, if everyone would just get off their fucking platforms…
(and I’m not talking about Spice Girl platforms, because if you are wearing those, KEEP THEM ON. You are DOPE and I want to be you right now) and realize that yeah, life is really fucking hard. For everyone. Butt being an a$$hole to everyone isn’t going to get you anywhere. Except to the parking lot, maybe. If we voluntarily and invaluably made the group decision to not put our struggles over others, than we could all have a good laugh and get over it and get over ourselves. If I have to listen to another la twat complain about shit, and practices Judy Buttlerism like it’s some spiritual Anthropology text, I’ll just end it all right here. Hello, you’re most likely from Edina and your parents paid for your Womens Studies degree, and Vegan grocery list, so get back to me when you decide to change your scattitude.
The worst are the group’s that massage your inhibitions with missions such as progression, acceptance, and all inclusivity, to only find out that there is IN FACT a checklist of attributes and behaviors you must ablige by in order to join. Containing, cuntrolling, and censoring leaves a real bad taste in my mouth! And I’m a super foodie, so ring the dinner bell when you can serve me up something tasty, okay?
That’s what’s so great about Fashionasty. I will never deny you. I will never change you. Unless if it’s for the better. And we’d be bettering each other. Let’s make a pact right now all my fashionasties…let’s ditch labels, promise? Unless of course they are DESIGNER…otherwise, let’s just not take shit from anybody, butt let’s also not take shit TOO serious, either. Sure we can compartmentalize everything, butt life is short! We aren’t dumb. We’re reading rainbow. (I’ve read all the queer theory books too, so don’t go gchat attacking me later, k?)
We are the glitter underdogs! We must stick together, not stick on each other like a sore thumb! In the words of Paula Cole, “I don’t wanna wait for our lives to be over.”
We could all get hit by a bus-Regina-George-style tomorrow, butt at least we can say we had a fun time while being here, right?! Just be fashion. Be nasty. Be fashionasty!
To paraphrase a favorite fashionasty of mine, Johnny Weir, “I think that if we all were to sit down together over poutines, we’d realize were lovely people and see who each other really are.”
That’s the pulp that makes the juice, fashionasties. If you ever want to lady-who-lunches with me, don’t hestitate. Happy hour is from 4-6, and there are NO rules in the Haus of Fashionasty.
Don’t get mad, get glaad,
© JAKE THOMPSON