Black Mila & Winona Ryder’s Best Kept Secret(ion)

Outside the realms of glitterdom, critics are celebrating Natalie Portman for her role as Nina in the Black Swan…BORING!!! If I wanted to watch a movie about a anorexic bird, I’d just pop in one of Portman’s other twenty films and call it a d(g)ay.

*However, I will give credit to the “black” swan make-up when she transforms into Kathy Bates (a la Misery). It’s DOPE and I can’t wait til feather lashes come back in style. I know Elizabeth Berkley is crying somewhere in the universe.

BUTT – in the world OF glitter and grease, we are all ditching the bitch (aka Portman) and clapping our thighs and saying yeah, yeah, yeah to MILA.

O.M.GAGA.

Meow! Meow!

Without sounding like a post-wetnap bro boi, who wouldn’t go gay for her? Mila is fashionasty because she doesn’t apologize for who she is. Yeah, Portman went to Harvard and speaks seven languages (blahblahblah), butt Mila’s from the Czech and speaks the native tongue too  without sounding like an academic a$$hole like Portman. She’s just a true bitch that picks fun roles and is haute, haute, haute.

More like hot for Mila!

One minor detail that we should NOT forget is Mom hairdo Winona Ryder. This may be her best kept secret(ion) aka best role yet.

When she stabs those high cheekbones with scissors, in the words of Rachel Zoe, “I died.” No, I actually did. I lost control of my bowels right there at the MOA’s VIP theater (which btw for a meer two dollars [s]exxxtra, you get a double wide, a mohagany panel table, and as much white cheddar powder for popcorn that you’re little he[f]art desires).

Can you taste it fashionasties?! MILA >>>>>> PORTMAN

XOXO,

© JAKE THOMPSON

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About fashionastyjake

Fashionasty is a state of mind, a lifestyle, and a trend that will never die young. I like borderline ugly street fashion. I like burgers. I'm desperate to find you.
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