RAPE (Remnants of Absinthe Purged Elfism) Victims

Fashionasties believe in many things…
1) Unicorns
2) Rainbows
3) Everything splashed across Page 6 of Us Weekly
4) Peace in the Cheddar Cheese
etc…
Butt, one mythical creature that we weren’t quite prepared for – even on Glitter Nation terms – hit us like the magic school bus and we still haven’t returned to innocence.
We are talking about ELVE$. Icelandic Elves to be specific. We already live on Planet Uranus, so when Glitter World met Elf World on Cinco de Mayo, in the worlds of Cher, “we haven’t been able to turn back time.”
Norse Folklore claims that elves – although considered mythological – actually exists in the molten lava debris that falls during eruptions.

Freyr – the Elf God – keeps it phresh in this loin cloth & boar ensemble.
Dare I say, he’s almost TOO PHRESH?!

These ethereal Tuck Everlast-nasties are the real housewives of NJ – sans botox! They lure humans into their homes and seduce them so that they stay supah phresh & in the wurdz of Jay Z, “Forever Young.” But we warned Fashionasties, once you’re captured by the demise of an elf, you kiss human world adios, and say hola to an eternity of Elf-on-Elf Accion. Yum yumz?!

Volund – the Ruler of the Elves.

Yum-yumz is right!

So on the eve of Cinco de Mayo, Robyn Craddles & The Hamburglar found themselves between a rock (Iraq) and a hard place. Well, a semi-hard place (if you catch this drift!) A human (Icelandic Elf!) was on the SAME flight back to the states of mates as the Hamburglar and wound up luring us into his LAVA ROCK LOB$TER. He was the Absinthe Mobster and we fell victim to his green fairie gaze.


 

Meet Skuli.


 


Or rather, SKULI DOO.

Don’t let those Locks-of-Love or American Apparel halo headband fool you. This Nordic Elf is the Lizard of Oz. And he will blow your conk shell and call the puffins home.

If you become a RAPE (Remnants of Absthine Purged Elfism) victim. Please call this number: 867-5309. Immediately! That is Glitter Nation Headquarter’s direct line, and if we aren’t at the drive thru of In ‘N Out Burger, we will take your call and take you in. We’ve been victims too and the best remedy for getting yourself scat on track, is to not be mad at Elves. Get glaad. Embrace the Elf. Be the Elf. Live the Elf.

Pictured above: Robyn Craddles rockin’ the casbah in this Skuli-inspired frock!
Elf Fashion can be very tricky! It borderlines between Rad/Mad Style or falling flat on your Second Life / Nerd Nasty trenches…so be sure to don the right wigs, ears, swede boots, and bow & arrows.

Viva Elf Power!!!
Blow a conk & get it on!
XOXO,

© JAKE THOMPSON

Advertisements

About fashionastyjake

Fashionasty is a state of mind, a lifestyle, and a trend that will never die young. I like borderline ugly street fashion. I like burgers. I'm desperate to find you.
This entry was posted in Fashionasty Studies. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to RAPE (Remnants of Absinthe Purged Elfism) Victims

  1. Pingback: ғaѕнιonaѕтy dιgeѕт: weeĸly wrιтιngѕ on тнe wall #1 | fashionasty

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s