FURVERT$

Are you caught in a fur romance?!


It’s OK to admit fashionasties…so are we!!!
DISCLA(I)MER: Now before I, The Hamburglar Biotch In Charge dive deep into the furry closets of fashionasties worldwide, it’s important to defend our honor in this (fecal) matter, especially to the Peta Police Dept!!! Let me just illustrate the scenario plainly: We all have been, or are vegetarian/vegan-friendly. Diet Squirt, in conjunction with Make A Wish Foundation saved Malcolm & his black lipstick. We’ve tried to steal English Bulldogs from their owners in McCarren Park (to no avail unfortunately). And now I’m partaking in the Lady Gaga Diet (aka RAW RAW Roma Ma Ma) for the past two months at the Burger Institut in Hamburg, Germany.
We here at Glitter Nation LOVE animals.

They are the Cesar to our Milan. The wind bequeeth our wings.
Infact, we love animals SO MUCH, we sometimes hump them.


HUBBA HUBBA.
So all you Peta-philes can put down your cans of red paint!!!

We aren’t Scarey-Kate and Nasty.

So don’t hold a grudge, fashion police. The only one that can judge us is the Terminator.
And Anna Wintour.
That being said, part of being fashionasty is owning up to our most carnal desires. And I think every fashionasty, somewhere trapped in their closeted hearts of hearts wishes they were Wilhelmina Slater.

Fashionasties are the trickest of biotches, and since we are speaking in the language of FASH-UN, let’s get real: If it’s been dead for over seventy years, I feel it is our duty (doo-doo-ty) to don it. So long as we aren’t hunter and gatherer on this (sticky) situation, we can remain the proud parents of these petrified pets. And there is something about wearing your little critter proud that makes you look and feel like the burger goddess that you are!
Someone once said to me, “I didn’t kill it! [referring to her mink stole] But I feel like Mr. Paws [her stole] appreciates that I’ve taken him out of this dump [vintage store in Park Slope] and given him a home on my shoulders where he can be fabulous all day.”

That is precisely what we at Glitter Nation are trying to emphasize:
a) We created the campaign, “MAKE LOVE, NOT CLOGGED PORES,” our “violence is not an answer” response to anything involving guns and roses. So everything we try to do cums from love. Not sores.
b) By giving your furry faux paw a name, it demonstrates that you are adopting an animal into your life. Whether he’s alive or dead, he’s still yours to cherish and to hold. Besides, hasn’t HBO’s True Blood taught us anything?! In light of terms, fashionasties should be so lucky that these furry vampire garments are accessible to our daily existance.
and c) Allowing your furry friend perch on your shoulders illustrates that you’re willing to make an effort to teach your dead dog some tricks. And for most of us on the E. Coast – NYC side – it’s not so easy in paradise to have a four legged friend. Between working the 6 to 9 shift, and cramped, pregnant apartments, it wouldn’t be fair to a living, breathing beast. So adopting a furry feline might be your only option.
I’ve been in the FUR-ENSIX lab for the majority of the afternoon anal-yzing this feat, and I’ve had somewhat of an exorcism of sorts in my closet. Like R. Kelly, I wanted to do a clean out of garbs, and as much as a mink stole makes you look and smell like the Jackie O(nion Ring) that you are, we here at Glitter Nation Headquarters FULLY ENDORSE FAUX FUR as well.

Infact, sometimes, if worn right, faux fur might be the fashionastiest of a
ll! By immitating something’s authenticity in your garbs, you may become the PHRESHEST OF THE PHRESH. Fash-un is given to us. Anyone with enough access, and a Papi with an ATM tattooed on his forehead can buy expensive pieces. But this is where fashionasties take the road less traveled. Pairing knock-offs with your Coco Chanel is the fashionastiest of all and will make ultimately induct you into the Haus of the Phresh Prince of What To Wear. And Glitter Nation ADORES you for it!!!
So live your fashionasty life in the FAST (FOOD) and FUR-IOUS LANE and be the most fabulous Fur-ocious Beast you can be!!!

So don your road kill and put your road rage into full practice on the streets in your own personalized scatwalk! Meow!!!

The Hamburglar at Happy (Meal) Hour with his friends, Tipsy, Toots, Sunday, and Susan.

Remember, you’re FURR-FECT and I love you just the way you are.
Xoxo,

© JAKE THOMPSON

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About fashionastyjake

Fashionasty is a state of mind, a lifestyle, and a trend that will never die young. I like borderline ugly street fashion. I like burgers. I'm desperate to find you.
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2 Responses to FURVERT$

  1. Pingback: ғaѕнιonaѕтy dιgeѕт: weeĸly wrιтιngѕ on тнe wall #1 | fashionasty

  2. Pingback: ғaѕнιonaѕтy dιgeѕт: weeĸly wrιтιngѕ on тнe wall #2 | fashionasty

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