TICK TOCK TICK TOCK
WHAT JEW WEIGHTIN’
WHAT JEW WEIGHTIN’
WHAT JEW WEIGHTIN’ FORE(PLAY)???
TAKE A CHANCE U STUPID HO(MO)
Most of us fashionasties want to make 2k10 OUR year. Our phoenix year that is. Where we will rise from the ashes of Illuminaughty Central, spread our wings (and thighs!), and in the words of R. Kelly, believe we can F – L – Y…
But 2k9 had many perks too. Let’s not forget that May 11th was the Birth of A Glitter Nation. A non-racist bio-pic apocalyptic movement that doesn’t want to hug nuclear arms, but your dancing shoes instead. No H8. All appreciate. Don’t deny us. Join us. In the fight for Don’t Ask, Do Sequins.
If you don’t really remember anything from 2009…it’s OK. We understand that most fashionasties often wake up with a Stranger with Panties, scooping up your designer duds in a punk haus in Bushwick, wiping the 99 cent cherry chapstick off your snaggletooth, ordering a McCafe to nurse the stain(s) away into a day of couch surfing & hangovers…
So if all else fails for you burger babes to recollect on last year…one thing shall remain intact in your brain. And it comes from the (tu)lips of the poor man’s Carol Brady…I’m speaking highly of none other than the Original Mrs. (Clever) Weaver, Kim Zolciak. Besides educating us on the importance of chugging three glasses of white wine before 9 pm on the nightly, she also coin(slotted) the token phrase: DON’T BE TARDY FOR THE PARTY!!!
GN has taken that Catch(22)phrase to our achey-breaky-artichokey-little hearts and decided in the spirit of the phoenix to make like a candle in the wind (or atleast light a match in the dark if you catch my drift!) and we want to – and we want YOU to, too – Elton 2010’s John(son). The time is NOW. Fashionasties should NEVER put themselves on a ticking clock, however, glitter babies also shouldn’t waste their many a$$ets. We don’t want the years to pa$$ you up, and you still haven’t come out of the Glitter closet and been the fashionastiest you can be. Basically, we don’t want to wait, for our lives to be over!!! And neither should you!
You’re a beautiful business burger and should make every effort this year to channel your inner flamboyant feathered friend, and don’t be late for all your very important dates. (Unless you’re off the rag!)
So Robyn & I kicked off the Jew Year with an improptu performance of our smash single “Carnal Asada, ” an ode to every tipsy fashionasty who doesn’t need a man after midnight, but a burrito instead at a Mad Hatter party.
Love at first sight.
Silly rabbit! Turning trix r 4 dix!!!
JTT – Just the tip aka CARROT TOP.
GO A$$ ALICE
So fashionasties of this Glitter Nation…the clock is TICKING. What have you done for me lately?! What jew weightin’ for?!
Whip out your chrome roledex and ask Tim Allen what time is it?! KOOL TIME. It’s never too late to hop on the Glitter Nation (S)express. We’re ready and waiting for jew with open hearts (and open mouths!)
© JAKE THOMPSON