Just make sure you follow this simple rule: KEEP IT CLA$$Y WHILE GETTING TRA$HY.
Regardless of how many ounces of Stoli you sludge down your funnel, make sure you are wearing the flyest haute couture garb in the unisphere.
It’s important to lead your burger confidants to believe that yes, you can infact chugalug two pitchers of stale ale. That yes, you can double fist two buck chuck (at no extra cost!) BUT, before your gag reflex kicks in, and your sailor motion sickness takes over, remember to suck it in, and suck it up! No one likes to see a tickety tack tranny falling off the track. Unless of course, that was the look you were going for, for the eve, then more power to the peephole!
Holding your liquor like a college freshman fratty, will not only impress your french fries, it will give you the confidence to pull off the trick bitch costume you put together for the festive event.
So, cheers your queers and make it a double, but remind yourself what’s important in life. You only live once, make sure it’s ENUFF.
Swank as fuck,
© JAKE THOMPSON